


Daughter of Spring

by sigwig



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mates, Mating Bond, Next-Gen, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn, Tamlin is an asshole like usual, The Night Court, Wedding, post ACOWAR
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigwig/pseuds/sigwig
Summary: Ástyn is the daughter of the High Lord that nobody likes- not even her. She dreams of escaping the Spring Court and exploring what's beyond, but Tamlin refuses to let her past the boarders.Until he must bring her to an important wedding that threatens to change Prythian forever.Kaelan is the son of true love, which makes it so much worse that he isn't able to find his. Even his parents, High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, cannot stop the events that are about to come into play. Only one person can. Kaelan's mate. But after years of searching, they are all afraid she won't arrive in time.This story is about the next generation of Prythian, and old enemies that return, 60 years after the end of ACOWAR and ACOFAS.
Relationships: Amren/Varian (ACoTaR), Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Ianthe/King of Hybern (ACoTaR), Morrigan (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s), Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Original Character/Original Character, Tamlin (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s), Ástyn/Kaelan
Comments: 57
Kudos: 168





	1. Return of the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ástyn's father Tamlin returns from a trip to the other side of the Court, bringing with him news that will change her young life forever.

* * *

** Ástyn **

_I am Ástyn, daughter of Spring, and I am hated_.

Those words repeated through my mind as I sat by the window. Tamlin was not a nice man, a fact I know from watching his actions towards my mother, and as of late, me. We were rarely invited to gatherings outside of the Court, especially those that occurred in Night. Tamlin alone went to those, even though I would be charged with his duties whenever the Cauldron decided it was time for his reign to end. It didn’t surprise me that I had never left the Spring Court, as I could hardly remember a time when even mother had crossed the dividing lines.

I was currently across from my mother, in the parlor as I looked out into the courtyard where the sentries trained below.

Tamlin had been called away to the other side of the court for some business, refusing to bring me along despite my arguments. Tamlin was very hard to tempt once he had made up his mind and did not like anything that opposed his opinions, a fact that I and mother had learned over the years.

“Ástyn my love, I must go prepare for the return of your father. Will you be joining us for dinner?” Mother smiled at me as she put down her book.

I bit my lip to hold back a scoff. It was pointless to act as though either of them had a choice about whether they would be attending dinner, but mother liked to pretend that the lives they both led were happier than they actually were.

My returning nod was almost imperceptible, but mother caught it and strode out of the room. I resumed my gaze out the window, smiling slightly as my eyes caught the moon rising strongly through the sky.

Tamlin hated the moon, the night being a reminder of the Court he despised so strongly, but I had always loved the sight of it. When I was younger, I had discovered a book in the back of the library, one Tamlin had missed when he had destroyed all of the written mentions of the Night Court. It was a tale of the Court that told not of the monstrous place Tamlin had described, but of a place where you could dream, be free.

I longed for a taste of freedom, when I could finally step beyond the boundaries of the Court and see all of what Prythian had to offer. I had resigned to the fact that that was only a far-fetched dream, a fantasy that would never come to pass.

I had lived only for seventeen years, a blink of an eye for an immortal, but there was already so many things I knew I would never have the chance to do. My father had all but banned most activities.

No, not my father, Tamlin. I stopped considering that male my father the first time I saw the bruises on mother’s back.

I stiffened as I saw his horse stride up the path towards the manor. With him, he only brought anger and bad news.

I jumped from where I was seated, rushing towards my room in a very unladylike manor. I knew it was my last time to run before Tamlin returned. Ducking into the room I called mine, I threw myself onto the bed.

I was safe in my room, as Tamlin refused to step inside. It was because of the way I decorated I knew, the dark paint and white stars drawn on the ceiling. It reminded him of what he had lost, but it was a reminder for me of what I would gain if I escaped. Freedom in a place as vast as the night sky.

Tamlin had been only a few minutes away from the manor, which meant I only have a few minutes before I am called to dinner.

In the mirror I looked as I always did. I thanked the Cauldron daily that I resembled very little of Tamlin. His sharp jawline had chosen residence on my face, but the dark grey eyes, the brown hair, the tan skin, was all received from my mother. When I smiled, I looked like I could be the daughter of anyone else, not of the monster. My hair was messy, pulled back into two braids. I wore a pale-yellow dress, which looked ghastly with my coloring but was proper attire for the daughter of a High Lord. 

The bell calling me to the dining room was one of the worst sounds I had ever heard, and it seemed to get worse every time, but I still followed the echoing as I made my way towards the room, my sense of dread becoming stronger with every step.

***

“If you truly believe you will ever hold any power in this court, you may want to learn how to be punctual.” Tamlin’s voice filled my ears before I had stepped into the room. I opened the door cautiously, aware of his eyes on my every step towards the table. Ignoring his comment, I sat down at the table across from my mother. Tamlin always sat at the head of the table. I believed it was so he could see every reaction we made to his little comments.

He was already showing agitation at the fact that I hadn’t argued with his power tease, and he opened his mouth again to say something when he was abruptly cut off.

“Tam, did you enjoy your trip?” Cauldron bless my mother; she always distracted his attention with silly questions. The fact that he answered her was another way she could pretend that he actually cared for her and wasn’t still hung up on the woman that had left him more than 60 years ago.

“It was High Lord business Serene, not a pleasure trip.” Venom dripped from his tone as he turned to face her. She shrunk back in her chair, fear clearly visible on her features. He was mad to be interrupted, as well as angry to have to be in the presence of the woman beside him. 

I held back a rather unladylike snarl. I had been fairly young when I had realized that, although they were mates, Tamlin held no love for my mother. He was so hung up on that woman, that High Lady, that he did not want anyone who wasn’t her.

Mother couldn’t understand the fact that her mate was not the man she had dreamt of, so nowadays she spends the majority of her time in her head, in a fantasy world where she isn’t mated to him. The only time she seems to be lucid now is when he’s hitting her, but by the next morning the wounds are covered and she is speaking fondly of how Tam, her dream mate, had taken her out for a wonderful date the night before. 

“Any news from the neighbouring courts?” I asked, trying to feign an air of nonchalance. It was my turn to distract the beast from his prey, and mother and I would continue this little dance until Tamlin had eaten his fill and left the table. However; this question seemed to have sparked something in Tamlin’s eyes, and a wicked smile appeared on his face while he stared at me.

“Well daughter, there seems to be two pieces of news that concerns you and your mother. There is to be a wedding in the north, and it is mandatory for all the courts to attend. Normally, I would have just gone by myself, but they requested all family members come too.” Tamlin’s face showed barely concealed rage as he spoke these words, but it turned into a sinister smile as he continued. “However, we will not be heading there alone. Your fiancé will be joining us.”

The fork in my hand clattered to my plate as I took in what he had said. Tamlin’s head tipped back in laughter at my response, and mother’s face just held the telltale foggy features that showed every time she had retreated into her dream world.

_Fiancê._ I was seventeen, I had never left the Spring Court, never given the chance to find my mate. I felt as though the walls were caving in. My breathing became shallow, and I barely had set my knife down before I fled towards my room, Tamlin’s shouts of anger chasing my down the hall.

***

I tripped over the stairs, fumbling with my door handle in my mad rush to get inside. Tamlin’s heavy steps were following me up, angry, though I couldn’t tell whether it was because I had left without being excused, or because he hadn’t gotten to terrorize me enough.

I didn’t feel safe until my door was firmly locked behind me, although I knew if he was really mad, he could break it down easily. I still couldn’t get air into my lungs, still felt phantom pains on my arms, shoulders, and legs from where I had been beaten the night before Tamlin had left.

_Left to find my husband._

I rushed onto the balcony, the smell of the spring flowers surrounding me like poison, filling my nose and lungs as I gasped for air.

_Fiancê, Fiancé, Fiancê._

The word throbbed in my head like a second pulse.

I looked up into the sky and pleaded with the Gods, not for the first time.

_Please, someone help me, anyone, please. I can’t breathe, I can’t get married. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t._

I closed my eyes, tears escaping me for the first time that night, as sobs wracked through my body.

The night wind encompassed me, and I let it caress my body as I cried. Then, something in the air shifted, and I could finally get oxygen into my lungs. The air was colder, crisper, and the wind tore my hair from its ribbons and ripped at my dress.

The air was angry, yet I felt content surrounded in it, breathing it in as if it was the first time after my head had been held underwater.

I opened my eyes, still wet with tears, and met the skyline of a city instead of the familiar gardens of Spring. I wiped at the water in my vision, and after determining that I was not dreaming, stepped forward on the balcony to get a better view. It was peculiar that the balcony had no railing, but I didn’t focus on that as I looked at the place I was in.

It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen, nothing like the villages in spring. People laughed in the streets, and lights filled the horizon. A large river flowed through the city, houses and buildings filled with sounds of people spread on either side. Music rose up from a guitarist across the street, who played while three couples danced together, laughing like a group of friends who had known one another for years. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t afraid, even though I should be. I didn’t know where I was and yet, I felt as if I had always been there. 

I sniffled, feeling my heart resume its regular pace.

I felt that crying in this beautiful place would be a crime. It should be a crime, and I did not want to feel my sorrow while I graced its streets.

I took another deep breath, smelling lemon and rain and night. It was weird to think of night as a smell, but that’s the only way I could possibly describe it. It was comforting and familiar, and I found myself breathing in more of it as I took a step back so I could see more of the view.

I felt myself run into a wall, and I bounced forward, almost falling off the edge of the balcony, before long tan fingers wrapped around my arm, pulling me away from the ledge and into a warm body. 


	2. Son of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ástyn meets the son of her father's worst enemies, without realizing it was him.

* * *

** Kaelan **

23 years, 9 months, and 6 days.

That’s how long I have been looking for her.

I refuse to give up. It had taken Dad more than 500 years to find Mom.

I don’t have 500 years. I barely have 2 weeks.

But I can find her, I’m going to find her.

I have to find her.

***

** Ástyn **

I tensed, my entire body reacting to the touch. I felt hot breath against my neck as I was pulled into a pitch-black room.

It would have been kind of hot if I wasn’t terrified.

I was roughly thrown into a chair, and felt, rather than saw, the magic put in place to keep me from escaping.

“Who are you and how did you get into my home?” I sucked in a breath. That voice, it was like the one I heard in my dreams most nights, the one that tells me I am safe when the nightmares seem too real. It was deep, and slightly raspy, and gods if it wasn’t one of the hottest things I’d ever heard.

I realized that the voice was waiting for an answer. I attempted to see who it belonged to in the dark, but it was useless. Even my High Fae vision couldn’t see shit in this room.

“I don’t know how I got here. One moment I was sobbing at my mess of a life on my balcony, wanting to die, and then I was here.” I heard an awkward shuffle of feet from my captor, and almost laughed. Good, let them feel uncomfortable at my answer, they’re the one tying me up in a dark room when all I really want to do is explore this city or cry about my pitiful existence.

The blinding flash of lights in my eyes caused a string of profanities to escape my mouth and a slight chuckle to come from my captor.

“Fuck, give a girl a little warning next time.” I mumbled, blinking rapidly as my eyes adjusted to the light.

Another laugh, this time louder, came from in front of me. “Did anyone ever tell you it’s not ladylike to swear?”

I stuck up a middle finger, blinking the last of the fog out of my eyes to look at where my captor stood smiling widely ahead of me.

It was a struggle to keep my mouth from dropping open as I looked at him. He was tall, much taller than me, with a muscular build, and jet-black hair. His face was strong, blue- almost purple eyes staring down at me in amusement. He was perfect, the only flaw on his face being a slight tilt to his smile, but it only caused his face to be even more beautiful. He was easily the most attractive male I had ever seen, not that I had seen many from the confines of my manor. I recognized his outfit as Illyrian training gear from when Tamlin had two warriors come for a meeting and I had seen them through the window as they took off on their wings.

I had forever wanted wings after that, and I knew I would be insanely jealous if this perfect male ahead of me had those too.

As if reading my mind, two large dark shapes unfolded from the males back, the smile on his face growing impossibly wider.

My blood ran cold as I realized he _was_ reading my mind. I snapped up the mental shield Tamlin had forced me to learn when I was young, so I wouldn’t be affected by the ‘ruthless magic of the heathenistic Night Court’, in his words. 

The male took a step forward, leaning in front of me to look me straight in the eyes. His breath fanned across my face, minty and hot as he spoke. “Your shield is weak, and the thoughts that your father put in your head just show he is an even weaker excuse of a man than I thought he was.”

I almost spoke back, to tell him that man is not my father, but instead I took in my surroundings. I was in a bedroom, similar to mine almost, same dark paint, the stars on the ceiling. The bed was bigger, and my room was cleaner, and smelt of flowers instead of sweaty male.

“Did the High Lord of the Spring Court not sire you, not raise you in his stead?” The male seemed genuinely confused as he stared at me, reading my mind once again with ease, despite my shield. “On another note, there is very little reason for you to insult my room, and-” he paused, looking around. “Does it really smell bad?”

“Can I just go home please? I won’t come back; I don’t even know how I got here in the first place. Just free me and I will leave you forever.” I attempted to sound as persuasive as possible, but I was ready to beg for the chance to leave.

The male opened his mouth, then paused. He looked me over, probably seeing the bruises on my arms, the tears still unshed in my eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if he read my mind and knew my entire backstory within the 10 seconds it took for me to beg for him to let me go.

“Please,” I tried again. “I don’t even know where I am, I wouldn’t be able to come back if I tried.” It wasn’t a complete lie, though I had pieced together some facts about my surroundings. I was somewhere where Illyrians roamed, a fact that was obvious due to the outfit on the male. The city was too advanced to be Illyrian however, from the very little knowledge I had learned about them, Illyrian civilization was stuck in the past, living in camps in the mountains. That left me with one simple conclusion; I was in the Night Court.

The thought left me with nothing but a feeling of dread. _The Night Court._ From what I had been told it was a terrible place filled with monsters, but that wasn’t something I truly believed. The fear mostly stemmed from the thought of what Tamlin would do if I returned smelling like the court of his enemies.

I would either be killed in the Night Court or wish that I had been when I returned home.

“Why would you want to go back there?” The males voice snapped me out of my depressing thoughts. Of course, he had read my mind. This asshole needs to learn a little something about boundaries.

“It is my home, and it is my court to rule when I am older.” I don’t know why I responded; the male could have just gotten all the answers he needed through my weakly-shielded mind.

He nodded, and I could feel his stare even after I had dropped my eyes to my hands in my lap.

“My name is Kaelan by the way. Not ‘the male’ or ‘asshole’ or ‘most gorgeous one.’” His voice again ruptured the silence between us.

I snorted an unattractive laugh at the male’s humor.

“I don’t think I ever called you ‘most gorgeous one,’ even in my head.” I shot back.

“Not yet, but you will one day sweetheart.” I snapped my head up to meet his stare. A twinkle of amusement shone in his eyes to match the anger I knew was written plainly in mine. “Do you not like sweetheart? How do you feel about treasure? Babe? It’s all up to you dear.”

The enjoyment in his eyes, the way he stood tall in front of me while I was tied down against my will, I knew he was joking around, flirting, but it was all too much. It reminded me of a different time I had been held down while someone teased me, making jokes that were created for hurt not for humor. I didn’t know whether to snarl or start to sob again. 

Kaelan saw that written on my face, the way I had slumped down in the chair, as if I was trying to cave in on myself. I saw on his face pity, and another unnamed emotion, before the magic binding me to the chair slipped off like water and I could stand again.

“I can return you if you like, though I have no idea why you would prefer to go back to that.” I nodded, feeling nothing but numbness.

Kaelan stepped forward, and started to reach for my arm before stopping, eyes roaming my face once more. “If you ever, _ever,_ need help, just one thought and I’ll appear. I promise you I will forever be there when you need me.”

The words were kind, probably the nicest thing I had ever been told, but I could do nothing but nod once again. Kaelan sighed, then grabbed my arm and I was lost, surrounded by a dark, but comforting wind.

And I stood on my balcony again, alone, looking out into the gardens. Kaelan, the Night Court, it could have all been a fantasy, derived from the mind of a sad lonely girl.

A soft gust of wind rushed past my face, carrying the smell of lemons and night, telling me it was all real.

_Thank you for distracting me._ I didn’t dare speak the words aloud, but I prayed that Kaelan would receive them.

My Court was asleep, and as I walked into my bedroom and slid under the covers, I had a realization. For the first time I could remember, my heart was awake.

***

** Kaelan **

My room and balcony had started to feel lonely now that the pretty girl had left.

_Ástyn._

She hadn’t spoken her name aloud, but it was the first thing I had looked for in her mind. I needed to know it, I needed to know her, and I didn’t know why.

I want to know why.

I could hear my parent’s laughter in the street below. They danced with my Uncle Cassian and Uncle Azriel, and Aunt Mor and Aunt Elain, to the song of a guitarist as Aunt Nesta watched. She refused to dance, claiming even the thought of it made her ill, but I caught her swaying to the music as she stared at Uncle Cas.

Cas will probably laugh himself sick when he hears that I had talked to Tamlin’s daughter. Knowing my mother, she’ll take pity on the girl. I wouldn’t mention the bruises on her arms, it would only send mom into a fit of regret that she hadn’t done something. She always blamed herself when it came to Tamlin’s actions. Dad would probably just spout something about inter-court relationships. He would feel terrible, they all would, but there is nothing they could do, especially when we have our own problems to deal with.

The bruises on her arms had stirred something in me. It was obviously from her piece of shit father. I would like nothing more than to go to the Spring Court and punch him in the face. Now wasn’t the time for that though.

First, I need to find my mate and stop this godsforsaken wedding, then I’ll go save the Ástyn.

I promised it to her.

She hadn’t understood what it meant when I gave her that promise, that it had been more than a useless string of words. It was a bargain I had made with myself.

Keep her safe, if she gets hurt, you get hurt, if she dies... it’s not hard to follow.

The reminder was already inked on my skin, a large black tattoo on my forearm, an intricate design of flowers and stars, night and spring combined.

If my parents knew of the bargain, they would skin me. Dad would make some joke about how that’s how he got his girl too, and mom would blush before scolding me for making a deal that intense. Especially when we all know that if the wedding wasn’t stopped, I wouldn’t be able to help anyone at all.

I would be a prisoner for life, but it would save the lives of many, a just trade. 

It wouldn’t come to that though. The deal was off if I found my mate. Everyone was safe if I found her.

I stared up into the night sky as I asked a question I had asked countless times before.

_Where is she?_


	3. The Smell of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An impromptu visit causes Ástyn to remember some stuff she would rather forget.

* * *

** Ástyn **

Waking up was like being pulled out of water. For the first night in a long time I hadn’t dreamt of Tamlin’s claws, or Jaime, or the beasts that lurk in the Spring Court.

I hadn’t had a nightmare, and it felt amazing.

More than amazing.

I had dreamed I was in that beautiful city, walking down the streets at night, talking and laughing with-

The realization that I still smelled of Night Court sent a chill through my body, effectively stopping me in my tracks and ruining any happiness I had felt.

I rushed to the bathroom, throwing the yellow dress I had neglected to change out of into the porcelain bathtub. It wasn’t hard to tell that washing it would do no good, so I was left with one option.

I pulled out the spare matches I kept in a bag under the sink and set the gown on fire. It burned quickly, and I washed the ashes down the drain with not the slightest twinge of remorse.

It was ugly anyway.

I shoved the matches back into a pocket of the backpack. The bag I kept packed in case I ever felt brave enough to escape the court, or if I ever needed to flee from the wrath of the High Lord.

Next, I needed to figure out a way to wash the scent off of my body.

I spent an hour in the bathtub, scrubbing my skin raw, trying to overpower the smell of night with that of roses and tulips. The smell of the flowers made me gag, but I continued to rub it into my skin.

When I emerged, I let out a little sob at the faint scent still entwined with mine.

_Fuck. I’m totally fucked. I would need a Cauldron blessed miracle to even try and explain this one._

Tamlin would immediately recognize the smell. He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me. He couldn’t kill me as he had no other heir, but he could make me wish I was dead.

Accepting my fate, I rubbed rose scented water on my body for extra measure before putting on a periwinkle dress that reminded me of Kaelan’s pretty eyes.

_Woah. Don’t know where that came from._

I shook that disturbing thought off and brushed through my knotted hair, tying it in two buns at the back of my head.

I steeled myself to walk to breakfast when I heard it.

Tamlin was yelling at someone outside.

I ran to the balcony, looking around the courtyard for the angry blonde male.

I spotted him standing across from three males, two in Illyrian leathers and one in a dress shirt and pants. They were all the same height, but the one looked younger than the others. He looked familiar too, like someone I had just met.

_Kaelan?_

Sure enough, as if he heard my thought, the well-dressed male’s head turned to look at the balcony where I stood.

“Who’s this?” I heard his smooth voice echo across the courtyard, and suddenly he disappeared, only to reappear in front of me and winnow me back to his original spot.

I had never liked winnowing, it made me feel trapped, uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel so bad when Kaelan’s arms were around me.

I struggled to snap my shield up so he wouldn’t hear that particular thought.

He held me against him, his chin resting on top of my head. “Hiding this one from us Tamlin? It’s a shame, she’s quite beautiful.” I felt my cheeks heat up, and I was grateful I was faced away from Kaelan so he couldn’t see my blush.

Tamlin looked ready to explode.

“ _She’s engaged. Get your filthy half-breed hands off of her.”_ He hissed, and I felt Kaelan tense behind me.

“Engaged huh?” Kaelan drawled, brushing his hand against my cheek. He sounded completely indifferent, as if he didn’t care whether I was engaged or married or dead. “Pity.” He turned me around to look me in the eyes. “I look forward to the wedding.”

He let me go, and I fulfilled Tamlin’s unspoken wishes as I ran to his side, though I would have much rather remained with Kaelan.

One of the men with Kaelan spoke, and I recognized him and the other warrior as the same ones who had met with Tamlin so long ago. “We expect you and your daughter at the wedding Tamlin. Don’t be stupid about this.”

Tamlin only snarled in response and pulled me towards the manor.

_Ástyn._ I jolted as I heard Kaelan’s voice in my mind. _I am deeply sorry about having to grab you, but I had to give Tamlin a reason why you would smell like me. I couldn’t let you get in trouble, could I? You know how to reach me._

I looked down to hide my smile from Tamlin as we walked to breakfast. He was already calling sentries to make the wards stronger, keep Kaelan and the other two out for good.

_Oh, and sweetheart, call me Kae. Kaelan Is such a mouthful don’t you think? Though I also wouldn’t mind you calling me some other names, how about Dadd-_

I focused all my energy into slamming down my mental shield before he could finish, but I still heard his echoing laughter in the back of my mind, and I couldn’t help but smile.

***

“Who is the wedding for?” I knew it wasn’t smart to ask questions, especially when Tamlin was peaceful, but the curiosity was eating me alive.

Tamlin put down his cutlery roughly, staring me down, looking in my face for what could have caused me to be curious. I schooled my features the best I could until I felt I showed no sign of emotion. Tamlin must have believed it, because he resumed cutting his food as he began to answer.

“It’s between that disgusting creature that grabbed you earlier in the courtyard and the daughter of an old friend.” He paused, fork halfway to his mouth, looking at me once again. “You may never speak to that male daughter, he has no morals or self-control, not to mention he’s the son of that monster of a High Lord.”

All of what he said rushed over me, water breaking through a dam. Kaelan, the kidnapper who turned into a friend, son of my court’s worst enemies. _Engaged to be wed_.

“Are they mates?” I choked the question out, receiving a strange look from Tamlin.

_Act normal Ástyn._

“No, of course not.” Tamlin chuckled like it was a silly joke, before turning sinister eyes on mine. “That marriage is how we are getting revenge for past wrongs.”

My confusion was evident on my face and Tamlin sighed in annoyance. “Keep up daughter, this shouldn’t be hard to follow.”

Mother sat staring at the wall, not paying attention to our conversation. Not paying attention to anything in this world actually. Sometimes I wished I could be her, wished I could disappear into a fantasy world forever.

“Esme is the daughter of a dear friend Ianthe. Her poor mother died during the war, so she was raised by priestesses. We came up with a plan, to get revenge on Rhysand of the Night Court for what he did to her mother and how he brainwashed my Fey-” Tamlin cleared his throat.

He would never speak her name.

“The wedding is built off of a deal. We kidnapped some of the monsters of the Night Court, a few children of those in the Inner Circle. For their safe return, the son of the High Lord must wed Esme, and promise no harm to ever come upon her while she lives in his court. Then, once Esme is in, she kills all of the Inner Circle while they sleep, including the High Lord and son, and using my power I will rescue my lady and we will live happily here, while Esme runs the Night Court.” He smiled, a true, genuine smile, one I hadn’t seen since I was very young.

He planned this revenge for years. He believed in this plan, believed that the High Lady was under some kind of spell and would return to him with open arms. Once she returned, what would happen to my mother? If the High Lady bore Tamlin a child, what would happen to me?

Tamlin was sick, he was twisted. A knot had formed in my stomach at his words. They had captured _children_ , people my age. They held them hostage somewhere.

He planned on killing Kaelan.

I barely knew him, so it was completely irrational, but still. The idea of Kaelan _dead_. It caused every part of me to crumble into pieces.

My body and mind threatened to crumble right now as I realized who I was sitting with. The man I was across the table from, eating his breakfast calmly; he was wildly past the point of sanity.

_Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?_

Kaelan’s voice inside my head threatened to make me break into tears.

I blocked it out as I heard myself speak. “When do we leave?”

Tamlin looked up at me, smiling widely. “Three days.”

I nodded and got up from the tables, walking in the direction of my room.

“Oh, and Ástyn? Your Fiancé arrives in two.”

I could hear Tamlin’s booming laugh as I rushed up the stairs.

***  
 **Kaelan**

I could hear Mom sobbing outside of the dressing room I occupied in the small wedding shop. Dad was beside her, murmuring soothing words in her ear, but we both knew they would do little help.

Not when her firstborn son was being wed off to someone who kidnapped her nephews and nieces, not when we didn’t even know if they were alive.

I stared myself down in the mirror as a hundred thoughts ran through my head.

_The wedding is in nine days, guests start arriving in two. In four days, we start the pre-wedding celebrations._

I shuddered at the thought of spending time with Esme. She was a demon, the reason my friends are gone, though not even Azriel knows how she managed to kidnap five trained warriors by herself.

“Are you going to spend all day staring at your face, or are you going to show us the suit? I know it’s a hard decision son, I also have spent many days looking at my beautiful reflection.”

I laughed as I walked out of the dressing room, where Dad was now smiling down at Mom, who was still sniffling as she attempted to hide her smile. The look they were giving each other, so pure and happy and full of love, it made my heart clench in my chest.

I turned away and looked at myself in the large mirror ahead of me. My hair was messy, but my face did look pretty good.

_I wonder if Ástyn would think my face looks good._

I blinked at my reflection, wondering what had gotten into my head. I had thought of Ástyn consistently throughout the day, starting the moment I had fallen asleep last night and continuing when I awoke. I had dreamed of her, laughing as we walked through the streets of Velaris together, and it had seemed so _real._

I assumed it would have stopped when I saw her. I had dragged Cassian and Azriel to the Spring Court the moment I realized why she was panicking.

Feeling her body against mine, just like it had been for a few seconds last night, in a weird way it undid me. Every nerve in my body hyper focused on where my hands touched her skin. Breathing in as her scent surrounded me, the same scent I could still smell now.

I needed to make it stop. She was engaged, as was I.

_Maybe she doesn’t want to get married either. Maybe she-_

I spoke, effectively cutting off the voice in my head. “This suit is terrible. Brown is not a good color on anyone.”

“I agree. Black suits you so well, but you always wear black. How do we feel about grey?” Mom immediately busied herself with finding a grey suit in the racks, as Dad watched her with a grin.

“Feyre darling, it’s just a suit, let him wear whatever color he likes.”

“Yes, I know Rhysand but it’s his wedding day, your firstborn son is getting married and he-” She stopped, a new round of tears filling her eyes.

Dad was up in an instant, pulling her in his arms.

“It’s not fair, he shouldn’t be forced into this, he’s just a little boy.” She sobbed into his chest, while Dad whispered in her ear.

I suddenly felt as if I was intruding, even though they were discussing me. Lately they seemed to be discussing me often, discussing what our plan is.

I pulled the dressing room curtain closed, sitting down atop of some suits I had thrown on the dressing room’s bench. I had no intention of ever trying them on.

I dropped my head in my hands, silently cursing the universe for the situation I was in.

It was that moment I realized how much I missed Selan, who would have told me how shitty I looked in this suit, and Raine, who wouldn’t have shown up due to her utter hatred of even being near anything considered “fancy.” 

Aunt Amren wanted to burn down all of Prythian when they had discovered her son was missing. I was tempted to join her, but _Uncle Cassian_ ; Cassian, someone who was always ready to start a fight, told us if we even tried, he would kill us both.

Amren had laughed at the idea of Cassian beating her in a fight, but she didn’t try anything, none of us did. A part of Cassian had been destroyed when Nox and Kera had gone missing, his twin warriors who never lost a fight, gone without a trace.

The five-total taken were all those whose disappearance would cause the most grief within the government of the Night Court.

Cassian and Nesta had lost both Nox and Kera. Amren and Varian lost Selan. Elain and Azriel; Ella. Raine was a half-breed Illyrian, but she had been staying with my family since we had met twelve years ago when I went for training at the camp. 

The five of them had gone to swim in the Sidra, I was supposed to join them.

Last minute I was called to attend a meeting alongside my father to talk with a new priestess.

I remember that day perfectly in my head. I had winnowed to the Mountain Palace where I met my father in a hall. We walked in the room together, High Lord and son, and I got the first glimpse at a face I would learn to despise.

Esme.

She told us of her proposition. She had kidnapped five youths that were swimming at the Sidra and hid them before she winnowed here. In order for their safe return I, the High Lord’s son, must wed her and promise no harm will ever come upon her from anyone in our court. It was a grab for power, and not surprising seeing as she was born before the war to Ianthe, a woman who was known to go great lengths in order for her to be in charge.

Agreeing to her deal felt like I had just swallowed a thousand ash arrows, but it was the only thing I could do after Azriel had returned, panic evident on his face, and he told us Esme had not lied.

They were gone.

I took deep breaths, willing myself not to cry.

I felt a sharp spike of fear in my mind, fear belonging to the daughter of Spring. My sadness immediately subsided, replaced with worry.

_Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?_

I shot the thought through the bargain. I hadn’t yet determined why I could speak to Ástyn through it while we were so far apart. I had made deals before, and I had never had that power.

_If she had the same powers as me, or maybe mine are getting stronger?_

Silence greeted me from her end. An ache formed in my chest as I tried not to let panic consume me.

I waited a few minutes, agonizing minutes, and as I was about to try again, I heard my father’s voice call for me.

“Kae, your mom found the perfect suit in your size. Get changed we’re leaving. We’ll come back to try it on tomorrow, but as of now I am exhausted and hungry.” Mom’s laughter filled the store, and a part of my panic eased. At least she was doing better.

I threw on my clothing, before rushing out of the dressing room to catch my parents before they left. We walked down the street and they spoke to each other of official court business.

I tried again.

_Ástyn, I need to know that you’re okay. If you don’t respond I will have no choice but to winnow into your room and check on you. This is your warning, so I don’t show up while you’re naked. Unless you want me to see you naked. I’m okay with that too. I do feel a bit lazy, maybe I will just send my sister to chat your ear off. She’s always looking for friends. She’s eleven you see-_

I paused. I knew was rambling, but she wasn’t still showed no signs of life. Panic flared in my chest.

_Ástyn, sweetheart, I am very old, and you are scaring me. You may cause me to keel over and die of panic. We wouldn’t want that would we? I wouldn’t get to see you all pretty in your wedding gown._

Mentioning her wedding caused a bitter taste to fill my mouth. I wasn’t old either, only 23, but maybe the threat of my demise would cause her to talk pity and respond to me.

_Please._

No response. I halted my steps, standing in the middle of the road. I couldn’t breathe. My parents stopped where they were ahead and looked at me, concern shining on their faces.

“Kae, are you okay?” My Dad spoke, but I barely heard it.

I wasn’t okay. She wasn’t okay. My vision tunneled. I had to get to her, I had to winnow, protect her.

My brain screamed at me to get into motion, go find her, but I was frozen stiff.

Faintly, a voice spoke, so quiet I thought I had imagined it.

_I’m alive._

That was it. Two words, but I could breathe again. She was alive. Not okay, or good, but alive. That was a start.

She was silent again. I looked ahead to my parents and nodded. They started their pace again, shrugging off whatever had just happened.

I couldn’t shrug it off. The panic I had felt when I didn’t know if she was alive or not.

I didn’t think twice before I winnowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pronounce Kaelan like Kaylen (K-Len) and Kae like Kai (K-I), but you can say it anyway you want. It's your head! 
> 
> I just wanted to make it known how I pronounce it in case anyone cares because I know habits can be tough to break once formed. :)
> 
> ( I've pronounced Rhys like rise for years even though I know it's wrong)


	4. To Know Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The result of Kaelan's winnowing causes harsh words to be said.

* * *

** Kaelan **

Shit.

** Ástyn **

Responding to Kae took energy I did not possess. I felt badly for making him worry but felt even worse in general. My bruised body ached and my mind was jelly, emotions swimming laps through my brain.

I trudged towards the bathroom to take my second soak of the day, stripping off my dress. All I really needed was to read a book and sit in the water until it grew cool and my fingers became wrinkled. 

I had just crossed my room to grab a book from the shelf when I heard it.

A sharp intake of breath from behind me.

I turned slowly, very aware I stood only in underwear as I made eye contact with Kaelan, who stood frozen in the corner of my room.

“ _What are you doing in here?”_ I tried to sound menacing, but the blush that had filled my face was having the opposite effect.

“Fuck.” Kaelan stared unabashedly, in a way that made me feel as though my stomach had filled with wings. He looked at me like I was the only girl in the world he wanted, and I belonged completely to him.

I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around myself, trying to preserve a little of my dignity.

“Is that all you have to say?” I spoke, trying to add some much-needed lightness to the room. The feeling had gotten very sexual, very fast, and as Kaelan’s eyes met mine, I regretted saying a word.

“You’re beautiful.” His voice was raspier than normal, and his eyes slowly shifted to amusement from the unnamed emotion that swam in them before. He grinned. “When I said I would be okay with seeing you naked sweetheart, I didn’t mean I needed to see it immediately. Not that I’m complaining. Trust me when I say I am not complaining in the slightest.”

He stared into my eyes and I got lost in the purple depths as a comfortable silence enveloped us. There was so much emotion in his eyes, worry and anger and sadness. So much sadness. It was all too much.

“What are you doing here Kaelan? Don’t you have a bride to ogle instead of me?” The words left my mouth and the entire world came to a standstill.

If I could take back my words I would. It was so stupid; I am so stupid. Tamlin just told me his plan, how he helped Kae’s bride kidnap his friends, how the marriage was a deal. Of course, I decided to ignore that completely, all for what? Because I was scared of how comfortable I was around Kae? How easy it was to talk to him? Scared about the sadness I saw in his eyes and how badly I wanted to fix it?

Kaelan’s face had drained of any emotion, he stood stiff, eyes scanning my face, looking for something. “You know- about the wedding, and about me.”

It wasn’t an accusation, or a question. “Tamlin told me.”

“The spike of fear I felt?”

How can I explain to him that the fear I felt was because his life was threatened without sounding like I was overly attached to him?

Shit, I _was_ overly attached to him and I barely knew the guy.

“Nothing important.”

“You didn’t reply.” Kaelan took a step towards me, then two until I was backed against the wall. His hand reached out and pushed a fallen hair behind my ear. My breath caught. “I thought he had hurt you. I was worried about you.” 

My mind switched off from the close proximity and I panicked.

“You shouldn’t be worried. You don’t even know me. Why are you even here Kaelan? No charity cases left for you in the Night Court?”

I don’t know why I said it. I longed to jump off the balcony to stop the words from leaving my mouth.

Kaelan didn’t speak, only backed away, shaking his head. His eyes met mine. He looked, hurt, sad, like I wounded him. I _had_ wounded him.

“Next time, answer. I wouldn't want to have to worry about you again.” I nodded at him, not trusting myself to speak. He opened his mouth, looking as though he was about to say something more but changed his mind.

He closed his mouth, nodding once at me, then winnowed away.

I stared at the spot he had just occupied for several moments before dragging myself to the bathroom.

I was half right with what I said. We knew everything we needed to know about each other to be friends, but I wasn’t deserving of his worry. He had shown me kindness, and I had shown nothing but hostility. He deserved a better friendship than what I could give him. I was broken from the Spring Court and Tamlin and Jaime, and Kaelan shouldn’t have to pick up the pieces.

It was funny, that when I was talking to him, I had forgotten how tired I was, how unhappy I was. He made me feel whole.

And I had driven him away without thinking.

I had just sat down in the bathtub when I felt the first tear fall.

** Kaelan **

Cassian didn’t ask questions when I winnowed into the training grounds, looking disheveled and upset. Didn’t ask questions when my anger set fire to the gloves I was wearing, or when my sadness caused darkness to surround the field. It wasn’t until I laid on the ground, feeling nothing at all that he came over.

“Want to talk?” He sat on the ground beside me, on his face the look of concern all parents wore when their child was upset.

“Nothing to talk about.” I felt bad about being rude to Cas, but I didn’t have it in me to be nice right now.

“Who’s the girl?” How he knew, I didn’t care.

“No one. I don’t even know her anyways.” Repeating her words only caused a new bout of sadness to overtake me.

Cassian nodded, but didn’t speak.

Her face when she said the words was ingrained in my mind. She had looked as though the words had pained her to speak, as if she didn’t want to be saying them. Her face showed defeat in a battle I didn’t know she was fighting.

“Why do I care so much about her? We met yesterday and with one word from her I would cut off my arm.” My laugh sounded bitter to my own ears. “You don’t need to answer. It doesn’t matter anyways; I’ll be wed soon enough, and she will only be a distant memory.”

Cassian’s eyes were sad, but he didn’t speak. He hadn’t said much since the twins disappeared, it was like they took a part of him with them.

_No charity cases left for you in the Night Court?_

The words caused me to stand up and give a nod to Cassian, before taking off into the sky.

If Cassian had seen me cry, he would have told my parents, and I would have had to explain the bargain and Ástyn.

It didn’t take me long to reach my destination, a cave on the side of the mountain that me, Selan, and Raine had discovered years ago. We had furnished it, making it into a hideout from our parents.

I walked in, sitting on the worn red couch, and finally let tears fall from my eyes.

Tears for Selan and Raine, for Ella and Nox and Kera. Tears for my situation, the wedding to a woman I despised.

Tears for Ástyn. For the sadness that had made its home on her face before she had noticed I was in her room. For the bitterness in her tone when she asked why I was there for the second time. For myself as I realized that she believed me to be as cruel as her father had told her I was.

I drowned myself in the tears and the sobs that racked through my body. I stared at the wall until I couldn’t tell if the darkness was my own power or the night and sleep consumed me.


	5. Drinking is Always Better With a Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ástyn discovers that Tamlin has a ton of cheap booze in his basement.

** Kaelan **

I woke up to my father’s panicked voice in my head.

“Kaelan? Where are you? Your mother went into your room and you weren’t there. Please let us know if you’re alright.”

“Kaelan?”

“I’m sorry. I was asleep. Don't worry, I’m coming home now.” Guilt pooled in my stomach for making them panic. I winnowed to the townhouse, already knowing that that’s where they would be.

I had just arrived when I was wrapped in my mother’s arms, her tears hitting my chest. I stood much taller than her, so she craned her neck to look me in the eyes as she grabbed on to my ear, making me yelp in pain.

“Never _ever_ scare me like that again, or I will force you to go shop for clothing with Aunt Mor. Do you understand?” I nodded, causing her to let go and step back, looking me over for any damage.

“We thought she had gotten you. We all assumed the worst.” Dad said from behind me, his tone grave.

Oh, _oh_. _Fuck_. I hadn’t thought about that.

_Didn’t think because you were busy crying over a girl, and your situation, even though you were doing nothing to fix either._

“I am so sorry. I didn’t think about what I was doing, I was just really upset and I needed to clear my head. It will never happen again.” I sincerely meant it. My parents, my whole family, they shouldn’t have to worry about me. Not when there is so many other things they have on their minds.

“I know that you’re upset about Esme and the kidnapping but-” I felt guilt as I stopped listening, buzzing filling my ears. I should be worried about my friends, my sham of a marriage. The fact that I was more focused on the words of a girl I barely knew made self-hatred fill my mind like mud.

I returned to the world around me when the door burst open, showing Cassian and Azriel, with my aunts following in behind them.

“You little bastard. You scared the shit out of me. I could kill you.” Cassian advanced towards me and my training kicked in, allowing me to step around him gracefully without him being able to touch me. “At least I know you can still protect yourself. Never do that again. We were all petrified when we thought you were gone.”

“Petrified? That’s a rather large word for you Cassian. Nesta, did you finally teach this oaf how to read?” Amren’s remark caused Cassian to snarl at her, and my father to grab his arms to keep him from advancing towards where she stood by the door. “Rhysand, I thought you and Feyre were going to train your dogs.” She scoffed at Cassian, distaste dripping like venom from her tongue.

“Amren you know it’s almost impossible to teach an old dog new tricks.” Amren smiled at my mother’s response, before turning to face me.

Aunt Amren had always made me feel- uneasy, for lack of a better word. As the mother of my closest friend, I spent many nights at her home in the Summer Court or seated across from her at family dinners. However, I had never gotten over the fear that filled me whenever I got on the bad end of her glare. She was truly terrifying, even though she was as tall as my stomach. My dad told me a story of how she used to be much, much scarier, with eyes of silver and a grin that resembled steel, but I was never brave enough to listen to the end of the story.

At the moment, I could see what she used to be, the something that lurked underneath those sharp features, but it was gone quickly, and she was just glaring again.

“You boy are as stupid as your father. It’s truly a pity, I had expected you to get your mother’s intelligence.” She didn’t say anymore, which I was grateful for.

They all seemed more relieved than mad.

A bang sounded through the room as the door flew open, causing everyone to jump into action. Azriel stepped in front of Elain, Dad in front of mom, Nesta in front of Cassian, though he looked angry about it. Amren just looked angry in general.

Aunt Mor, dressed in all her finery, stood proud in the threshold, grinning at us as though we were fools for being alarmed.

“Oh, thank Cauldron you found him!” She hurried over, which was a feat in heels as tall as hers, and bent down to kiss me once on each cheek. “Now that that problem is solved, shall we get dinner? I met a girl I want you all too meet. How about dancing?”

Groans filled the room, we were all too familiar with the girls Mor dated, and the events that occurred after they broke up. Her post-breakup depression was the reason I could quote the scripts of multiple sad romance movies by the time I was twelve. We also knew how bad of a dancer she was, especially when drunk.

We followed Mor out onto the street, and I felt a happiness I hadn’t felt in a while as I listened to my parents playfully argue with their friends.

A happiness I hadn’t realized I was missing.

A face came to mind when I thought of that happiness and sent my thoughts into disarray.

** Ástyn **

I walked my way through the following day in a trance. 

Kaelan hadn’t attempted to contact me since he had left, a fact I wasn’t shocked about, but still hurt my feelings. Tamlin had left to deal with some business across the Court and my mother had retreated into her dream world, leaving me with hours to recollect all of the mistakes I had made in my short life.

I sat on my bed, speaking to the walls and feeling myself lose sanity. A small part of me told me that I should just contact Kaelan myself, but it was silenced that night when I found Tamlin’s liquor.

The first bottle did nothing but fill my mind with memories of dancing with Jaime through the halls of the manor, eating cake in the middle of the night when we snuck in the kitchen, running through the flower filled fields and talking about our future.

The reminder that Jaime no longer had a future was what convinced me to drink the second bottle.

It wasn’t until the third bottle that it hit me how alone I was. I pushed everyone away, it was my fault, all of it. I was the daughter of a terrible man and a woman who had lost all logical sense years ago. I was messed up, a reject, and the only thing I had to show for my miserable existence was scars from my father and a fiancé I had never met and would probably never care for.

I had just taken a swig of the fourth bottle when I decided to change it. I didn’t have to be alone; I didn’t have to be a failure. I could fix my life.

***

Winnowing when drunk was not easy or fun, and by the time I reached my destination I was beginning to get dizzy.

I was on the balcony where I had first met Kaelan, his scent coating the area, much easier to smell now that I knew who it belonged too.

“Ástyn?”

His voice, still groggy with sleep, sent shivers down my spine. I turned around, making eye contact with a very shirtless Kaelan.

This was a bad idea; I didn’t think he would be asleep. I probably looked horrible, which is understandable seeing as I had downed three and a half bottles of the Spring Court’s strongest alcohol. I felt like I was going to puke, from the winnowing or the booze or nerves I couldn’t tell.

My brain felt fuzzy around the edges. The full brunt of the liquor hit me like a truck, and words began spewing from my mouth before I could stop them.

“Kaelan! I missed you! I missed your eyes; you have very pretty eyes you know.”

The pretty eyes in question widened, and his lips quirked up slightly.

I took another drink from the bottle in my hand before collapsing onto the ground in a fit of laughter.

** Kaelan **

She was drunk. That bottle in her hand was not the first judging from the way she was acting, and her normal scent was overpowered by that of booze.

She was a mess, lying on the floor laughing her head off at an unsaid joke. I moved towards her, lifting her into my arms. She was much too thin; her dress could have fit another of her inside.

She sighed contently and buried her head against my chest while I walked her into my room. I laid her in my bed, carefully pulling the covers over her until they rested under her chin, her loose hair spread around her head, eyes drooping closed. She looked to have fallen asleep, so I moved to sit in the chair beside my bed, where it appeared, I would be sleeping for the night.

“You smell good. Where are you going?” So, she was awake after all. Her eyes remained shut, but her face had a soft smile as she spoke. “I dream about you; did you know that? They’re nice dreams, we talk about life and what we like. I feel like I know you from those dreams. Dream-you told me your favourite color was black, even though that’s a shade, and we laughed. It felt so real- _so real_.” She sang the last two words before giggling again.

I didn’t have the voice to respond to her. The dreams I had been having for the past couple of days were real. We had been talking, telling our life stories to each other, and I didn’t even know it. I should have been able to tell; it was probably my powers that were allowing this to happen.

“Hey Kaelan?” Her voice was soft, wary.

Mine sounded like gravel as I responded. “Yes sweetheart?”

“Can you sleep beside me tonight? I know I’ve been a bitch to you, but I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

I didn’t leave my mind time to think before I moved across the room, sliding under the covers. I could feel the heat from her body beside me, but I didn’t move towards it, resisting every urge in my body that kept telling me to reach over and hold her tightly.

“Tamlin is bringing my fiancé to the manor to introduce us tomorrow. He’s coming with us to the wedding.” I stared at the ceiling as her words floated over me. She scoffed before she said her next sentence. “Tamlin says he’s handsome, which means he is the closest to opposite of you and your families looks as possible. Blonde, round jaw, ugly. Nothing that would remind him of who your mother left him for.”

There was so much bitterness in her words, so much hatred and sadness, but that wasn’t what I focused on.

“If he is the opposite of my looks, and you think he is going to be ugly; Sweetheart, are you calling me handsome?” A feeling of pride filled my stomach, and I could tell Ástyn rolled her eyes before answering.

“It would be stupid to pretend that you weren’t good looking. There’s no harm in admitting it, nothing will ever happen, especially seeing as we are both engaged to be wed.”

“Do you want to be married, or would you rather attempt to find your mate?” It seemed a harmless enough question, but I could feel Ástyn tense beside me.

She was silent for a few moments, and I laid beside her, frozen, scared any movement would cause her to want to leave.

Finally, she began to speak.

“I think I would like to be married one day, but to someone who I chose and love, not one my father decided for me.” She stopped, and I waited to see if there was more, but there wasn’t.

“You said father just now, but you usually say Tamlin, why?” Now I definitely was overstepping, but the curiosity filling me was overwhelming.

She took a deep breath in, and I regretted asking anything. She was tired and although she was sobering up, she still had alcohol in her system. I should have just let her go to bed and left my questions for another day.

“I don’t like referring to Tamlin as my father, but sometimes it slips out before I can catch it. It makes it easier to pretend I don’t have any relation to him.” I could hear her turning her head, so she looked at me, but I willed myself not to turn mine. “Sometimes I sneak out to the village when Tamlin’s gone, and I introduce myself under a different name and nobody knows I am his daughter. It’s the best moments of my life. Now that I am getting married those trips will probably have to stop though.”

I finally allowed my head to turn. We stared at each other’s faces, so close together. I memorized her face, the curve of her jaw, the shine to her eyes. I could tell why the townspeople couldn’t tell she was his daughter, her face had very little of Tamlin’s features. She was beautiful, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and her eyes held memories of so much pain that she didn’t deserve to go through.

“My mother and Tamlin are mates. He can’t stand her though.” My breathing hitched but I kept my eyes on hers as she spoke.

“He hates that she’s not your mother. I remember when I was young, reading stories of the love between mates, the tales of how mates are the best things in your life, how they make you feel complete and you can’t bear to see harm come to them. Then I got older, and realized that those stories were just that, stories.” Tears lined her eyes, but she continued, her voice clear.

“The day I realised that the stories were fake was the day of my eleventh birthday. I was going downstairs to get water when I found my parent in the kitchen. I hid behind the counter. Tamlin was yelling, blaming my mother for not being who he wanted her to be. She was crying. I heard the sound before I saw it. It was like the world was in slow motion, Tamlin got fed up of her weeping, so he hit her. He hit her hard, and she staggered back but stopped crying, face blank, as if it had happened a hundred times before. I figured out it had happened hundreds of times before, I talked to the servants and the healers in the manor and found out it had been going on since shortly after I was born, when my mom found out she couldn’t have any more kids.”

I couldn’t breathe as I watched the strong girl in front of me break down in tears. “He hits you too, doesn’t he? The bruises on your arms when you first arrived, they were from him.”

“I found him with a mistress when I was thirteen. That’s when it began.” I couldn’t find the words to say, to make her feel better, so I pulled her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her.

“You asked me before, whether I wanted to try and find my mate. I don’t want to. I don’t want a mate.”

I was silent, scared to say the wrong thing. She was still pretty drunk, so she may not even remember any of this the next morning.

I felt her still beside me as I was thinking about all she had told me, and soon I drifted off to sleep after her.


	6. The Morning After is Always Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for our two awkward idiots to wake up and smell the Night Court.

** Ástyn **

As my eyes opened, I immediately regretted ever letting a drop of alcohol enter my mouth. My head pounded, my body felt weighed down, the lights were too bright, and I could hear the laughter and talking of everyone in the Night Court.

_The Night Court._ I shot up in bed, ignoring the sharp pain that went through my head. I wasn’t in my bed in the Spring Court. I was in the Night Court, again, but this time I had slept there.

In Kaelan’s bed.

I looked down and froze in shock. The weight I had attributed to my hangover was in fact caused by Kaelan’s arm resting around my body.

An arm that was attached to his very unclothed chest.

Ignoring the thoughts that the sight of his body produced, I tried to remove myself from under him. Lifting his arm, I slid myself out of his grasp, falling onto the ground with a soft thud.

I paused, praying he wouldn’t wake up. He stirred slightly, pulling his arm back towards his body, but soon began to snore softly again.

Relief flooded me and I let out a loose breath, picking myself of the ground. My head pounded like the drums on Calanmai, but I ignored it as I steeled myself to winnow back to the Spring Court.

The door flung open into me, the force sending me flying back towards the bed. I landed in a heap on the floor beside it, slamming my already hurting head against the frame.

I could make out the figure of a woman in the doorway. She was stunning, and rather familiar; I probably would have been able to place who she was if my vision hadn’t started to cloud over.

I felt a pressure of a hand on my shoulder. The woman stared; recognition flickering in her eyes, but shock was more prominent on her face as she took me in.

“Mom.” Kaelan’s voice was loud when he spoke, causing me to wince. The woman looked to him behind me, having what I could guess was a silent conversation with her son in their minds.

The dancing stars had begun to clear from my eyes. The woman’s familiarity began to make sense. She shared the same features as Kaelan, her son.

A realization hit me like a truck, causing the stars and headache to return.

Kaelan was the future High Lord of the Night Court.

All the signs were there, I had all the pieces but had never put my mind into finishing the puzzle. To me, he was just Kaelan, annoying male who appears in my dreams more often than I wanted to admit. But he was powerful, much more powerful than anyone else in Prynthian. Tamlin called him a monster, the strongest High Lord ever born, capable of destroying the entire world if he desired.

That was who I had slept beside, who now sat behind me, a hand on my shoulder.

And the woman in front of me was his mother.

The High Lady of The Night Court.

The woman Tamlin was willing to do anything to get back, who was supposedly brainwashed by the evils of the court.

She didn’t seem brainwashed as she finished her conversation with her son. She looked me in the eyes before closing the door. Her eyes were sad, like she pitied me. Shouldn’t she be begging for help, or asking me silently to help her escape?

“My mother isn’t under any magic but her own. She wishes to be here.” I flinched at his voice, the sound ringing in my ears. I scrambled to move away from the bed, stopping when my back hit the wall.

Kaelan’s eyes were wide as he looked at me, sadness flickering across his face. Then he smiled.

_Are you scared of me now sweetheart? I thought you had realised who I was already. If I had wanted to harm you, don’t you think I would have already?_

I didn’t speak, just stared at the floor and tried to combine this new information with the Kaelan I remembered from before.

_Ástyn. I would never do anything to hurt you. I promise._

I took a moment before looking up. When I met his eyes, I didn’t see the monster that was described to me by my father, none of the malice or burning anger that would rend cities to ruin.

I saw a friend.

I decided I liked him better this way, instead of how he was described.

I liked having a friend.

So I smiled at him, and when he returned the gesture, I began to speak.

“Do you have anything I could eat?” The pounding in my head was still prominent as I continued. “And something to get rid of my headache?”

Kae moved quickly, stepping off the bed and reaching down to haul me up from my spot on the floor. The hangover combined with the blow to the head caused a wave of dizziness to rush over me as I moved, my legs refusing to hold me up, sending me falling into Kaelan’s arms.

He chuckled, his warm breath hitting the side of my head as he leaned me against his chest, holding me upright with one arm while his other reached for something behind him.

“Here I assumed you could hold your liquor. That’s strange, I’m hardly ever wrong.” I scoffed, a small smile forming despite the pain in my head. He half-carried me towards the bed, sitting me on top of the covers. He bent down to look me in the eyes, a knife in one hand.

I stilled, every nerve in my body on edge as I focused on the silver blade in his slender fingers.

“Hey, it’s okay.” His voice was soft, soothing. “I won’t hurt you. You have to trust me Ástyn.”

I nodded, swallowing a large lump in my throat.

I screamed as he dragged the knife over his arm, slicing it open. He dropped the knife, quickly moving his non-cut arm over my mouth to silence my cry. His arm was bleeding profusely, the drops falling onto the hardwood floors. His eyes scanned my pale face and wide eyes, and he let out a short breath.

“You need to drink my blood. It has healing properties in it, from my mom. It will make your head feel better.” I didn’t move, just stared at him, questioning his sanity. “Okay, maybe the way I did that was a little dramatic, but I promise it will help with the headache.”

He moved his bloody arm towards my mouth, his other hand dropping from my face. I hesitantly opened my mouth, allowing him to pour the liquid down my throat.

I coughed at the bitter taste, my head already clearing. Kaelan had summoned a towel, using whatever powers he had in his arsenal, and was using it to towel down his already-healing wound.

“So, you’re overdramatic and have healing blood. Anything else I should know?” He laughed softly as he examined his cut, his hair falling over his face. He turned slightly away from me, still shirtless, and I found myself examining the wings that were folded behind him. They were large and beautiful, catching the light from the sun perfectly.

“You’ll learn what you need to know if you continue to be friends with me. The overdramatic side of me wants to keep some of it a surprise.” I laughed as he winked at me, but silence fell over us as I turned my attention to his wings once again.

“You wish to fly, don’t you? I can tell by the way you look at my wings. Can’t you make your own, with Tamlin’s shapeshifting powers?” Kaelan looked at me softly, in a way that made me feel warm, cared for.

“No, I can’t. Sorry.” I knew I was stuttering, my words mumbled and rushed. Kaelan looked at me with confusion, then acceptance when he realized I wasn’t going to elaborate.

“That’s okay. No need for apologies.” He reached out a hand towards me, helping me up. “Should we go get something to eat?”

***

** Kaelan **

The townhouse was quiet, as it often was since my friends had been taken. I led Ástyn through the halls towards the kitchen, listening for my parents or any others who may be there.

We arrived in the kitchen, and she sat at the island as I pulled out some pans to make us breakfast. The fridge was mostly bare, but there was a couple of eggs and some bread in the pantry, so I went to work.

“Does your entire family live here?” I didn’t turn around from where I stood at the stove, but I could feel her stare fixed on my wings. It was the reason I hadn’t put on a shirt yet this morning. She was so fascinated by them, and the look on her face as she stared so plainly earlier, not caring that I could see, it made a smile grow on my face.

“My parents and sister live in a house my father bought for my mother before I was born. When I was 18, they allowed me and my friends to move here, where they lived when they were young.” I moved to put the bread in the toaster, lost in memories. “A couple of days after we moved in, Selan decided to switch out all of the shampoo with blue acrylic paint, and it covered Raine’s wings. She couldn’t get it off for a week. I’ve never seen them get into a bigger fight; it was hilarious. Of course, Ella hated Selan’s pranks. He would always use his powers to mess with her garden, and Nox almost punched him for the amount of times he would change the water pressure when he was showering. I think Kera secretly liked them though. She’s always had a crush on Selan. If only the big idiot would realize it. They both like each other, but they’re too stubborn to admit it, so instead they just fight all the time. I think they’ll like you. They-”

****

I stopped. They would like her, but they weren’t here. I had almost forgotten.

I went back to the eggs, a numbness filling my body.

A few moments passed, and then I felt two arms wrap around me, a cheek pressed against the small of my back. I relaxed into the touch, letting their warmth fill me.

“I’m sorry. Your friends- they didn’t deserve to be taken. Nobody deserves that.”

I switched off the stove, then turned and wrapped my arms around the small girl now in front of me. She was so much shorter than me, her head eye level with my chest.

We stood there, just holding each other, for a few moments. The toast popped up, and it reminded me of who she was, who I was, what role I had to play.

So, I stepped back, moving to grab some plates from the cupboard. I divided the eggs onto the two plates and put a piece of toast on each.

Turning around, I placed the plate in front of Ástyn, who had moved back to her seat and was now looking at me quizzically.

“We need to discuss a plan if we’re returning you to the Spring Court.” She inhaled sharply but nodded as she began to eat. “You can winnow back, and I’ll arrive shortly after, make a scene with your father in the courtyard, winnow you out towards me, same thing as last time. Sound good?”

She nodded hesitantly, staring at her plate as if something was very interesting. “What aren’t you telling me sweetheart?”

She looked up; her pretty eyes filled with worry as she spoke. “Tamlin is returning with my fiancé today. It will be harder for you to get to me with him there.”

I had forgotten about the fiancé. A plan began to form in my head as I ate, and I knew exactly what we had to do.

“Finish your eggs, it’s time for the daughter of spring to return home.”

***

The plan was simple, but it would not be easy to carry out. I explained it to her as I washed the dishes, making sure she knew every step, and exactly what to do in case it didn’t work.

I smiled at the look of shock that flashed over her face when a shirt appeared on my body without me moving, thanks to a power passed from my father.

“Ready sweetheart?” She nodded, and I ignored the shock that went through my body as she backed into my arms.

Then, we winnowed.


	7. The Plan Unfolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Isaac- We don't like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rereading chapter 7 and I felt like I could do better, it seemed too rushed to me. So I kinda rewrote it, its a lot more detailed, but nothing really changed from the last time plot-wise, except for the ending. I would re-read the end if I were you. 
> 
> Sorry this isn't a new update-The next chapter will come in a couple days, I promise. I just want to make sure its the best it can be!
> 
> Happy reading!

** Ástyn **

As soon as we landed, I began to scream.

I wailed and thrashed against Kaelan’s arms, panic converting my features into a look of sheer terror.

However, the male holding me no longer looked like Kaelan. He had tapped into some of that endless power he held to change his features to resemble any Illyrian warrior one might see at the Night Court.

Tamlin rushed out of the manor, alerted by my screams. He was closely followed by Bron and Hart, his favourite sentries, and a male with curly blonde hair and snow pale skin, his body thick with muscle in a way that reminded me of a tree trunk.

_Fuck. He’s really ugly._

I only let that thought linger for a second before refocusing on the task at hand. I thrashed once more, my leg rearing back to land a kick, and Kaelan jumped back, feigning pain.

Just as we had planned, he winnowed off before Tamlin or anyone else could reach him, leaving me sobbing on the gravel path.

They reached me moments later. One of the sentries, Bron, kneeled beside me to check for wounds as wept, his face filled with worry. Tamlin’s face however, showed no emotion.

“He-he grabbed me from the balcony, I was sitting outside to read, and he-” I sputtered, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

Tamlin didn’t respond immediately. He paused, as though trying to decide whether to believe my tale or not.

“I want you to round up everyone and have them scan the borders, make sure no other Night Court beasts made their way across.” He finally snapped to the sentries, causing a pang of relief in my brain. He turned to me; disgust written on his features. “Come daughter. You must clean yourself up before lunch, you smell of _them_.”

Them. I knew he was speaking of the High Lord and High Lady; it was easy to tell. Tamlin was never one to hide his emotions, he was truly terrible at it. Almost every thought and emotion he had was splayed across his face, like a novel that contained a horrifying plot.

Tamlin began to walk away, and I almost relaxed, forgetting the part I was to play. He turned a few seconds later, a mischievous glint in his eyes. A sinister grin settled on his face, one that I had seen many times throughout my childhood, one that had never been good news to me.

“By the way, this is Isaac. Silly me, I should have introduced him right away. After all, he is your fiancé.”

He turned and marched towards the manor without another word, my mind racing to understand what I had just been told.

When I finally seemed up to speed, the shock dissipating, I turned to stare at the man standing to my right.

It was time for me and my betrothed to finally speak.

***

“I could have fought him off you know, if he had stayed.”

We had begun our walk back to the manor after our initial hellos and it had begun to be startlingly clear to me that I would never develop any feelings for Isaac that wasn’t annoyance or disdain. “I can fight off anyone. They call me the boulder back at home, because I always crush my opponents.”

He jumped ahead of me and flexed his beefy arm, and I mentally gagged.

_It’s more likely they call him that because he possesses the same mental capacity as a rock._

I stifled a laugh at my own joke as we continued to walk towards the manor. The walk I had once considered short seemed torturously long.

Isaac looked around as we moved slowly forward, taking in his surroundings. “Once we wed and I’m High Lord, we’re redecorating this manor. It’s to drab for my liking.” He paused slightly, a look of consideration gracing his features. “When I say we I mean you of course, you know that right? That’s woman stuff. I’ll be out tracking and killing every single one of those Illyrian pussies by myself like a real man. I fucking hate those bastards.”

I stood still, his words rushing over me like a cresting wave. “What do you mean when _you’re_ High Lord?”

Isaac laughed, grabbing my arm in his and pulling me forward in a possessive gesture that made my blood boil. “You didn’t think you’d be a High Lady, did you? That’s ridiculous. Women are good for cooking and fucking, they can’t run an entire court.”

I didn’t want to listen to anymore of his bullshit. I couldn’t stand Isaac after five minutes; I wasn’t about to fucking marry this asshole.

I winnowed into Tamlin’s office, ignoring Isaac’s confused and angry cry from outside.

“ _He_ is going to be High Lord? _Him?_ That fucking idiot can’t tell his head from his ass and you trust him to run this court better than me?”

Tamlin looked up from his desk and snarled, anger dripping off of his features. “Watch what you say, I am your father and High Lord and that male is your _fiancé_. Don’t forget your place _daughter.”_

I didn’t care that I was asking for trouble when I yelled back. “ _I_ didn’t even _want_ a fiancé, especially not _him._ I didn’t even want to be born in this _fucking court_ , and I especially didn’t want to have a father as _shitty_ as _you_.”

I don’t know which hit me first. It could have been the desk, or the chair, maybe even the vase, but I knew that it was his fist after. It was his fist again, and again, and again, his hands throwing me against the wall, choking me until the edges of my vision blurred, then letting me fall to the ground, gasping. I think he was laughing as he kicked me in the stomach, I think it was a grin on his face, but dust from the broken table and blood had gotten into my eyes, and my sobs muffled most sounds.

He only stopped when my body was covered with scratches and bruises, tears rolling silently down my cheeks.

“Watch your fucking mouth when you speak to me. Do you understand that?” Blood trickled out of my mouth as I tried to respond.

He took one final look at me, his features contorted into a look of thinly veiled revulsion. I closed my eyes until I heard the door slam behind him, his heavy footsteps shaking the floor of the manor.

I was left there, lying on the shattered debris of his office, blood coating my face.

I didn’t feel pain, just a little cold.

My dress had begun to rip when the desk hit me, but Tamlin aggravated it when he scraped it with his claws. From what I could tell, the worst of it was a large cut on my leg, and bruises on my stomach and face. Bad, but not terrible. He hadn’t gone as hard on me as he usually had, probably because we were seeing the other courts tomorrow.

The other courts, and Kaelan.

_I could call him for help, he probably already felt my fear through whatever power he had used before, but if he healed me Tamlin would know. I don’t even know how he would react to that. Badly, I suppose._

_I wonder what Kae would think if he saw me like this. I wonder if he’d think I deserved it. Maybe he wouldn’t even care._

_No, he’d care. He said he was my friend. I didn’t know much about friendship, but I knew he would care. He had to. Jaime had cared, but he had cared too much, and now he’s dead because of it._

_Jaime had been the only friend I had my entire life until I met Kaelan._

_I missed him. He would have felt the outburst of Tamlin’s power and come to picked me up from the rubble. He’d clean my cuts like usual and tell me I was stupid for fighting with Tamlin when we knew how powerful and unforgiving he was. He would rescue me. He always had._

_I want to know if he felt cold like this before he died, not that I was dying yet._

_I might be. If I am, I hope Jaime’s waiting for me wherever we go when we die. I hope he isn’t mad at me for getting him killed, for not rescuing him like he rescued me. I hope he doesn’t blame me._

_I miss him._

I couldn’t stop my eyelids from closing, nor could I prevent myself from falling into the darkness spilling around me like black ink, welcoming me home.

  
  


** Kaelan **

I had only just winnowed into the living room when I found myself preparing to winnow out again. My parents stared at me from the couch, where they had obviously been waiting for me to return home.

“Not a chance kid.” My mom’s voice rang loudly behind me as I turned to leave.

I didn’t have to look down to realise ropes made of water surrounded me, binding me to my chair. It was a talent of my mother’s I had been on the receiving end of two times before, once when Selan and I broke into the library at night and scared the shit out of some priestesses, and the other when I was 7 and tried to throw my newborn sister in the Sidra. Both of those times though, they had been angrier than this. Right now, my parents only looked sad, like they were staring at someone who recently lost someone they loved.

My mother shook her head, standing up as she continued to speak. “Tamlin’s daughter? What the hell were you thinking Kae? Do you know what Tamlin will do when he figures out she was here? When he smells Night Court on her, when he smells _you_ on her?”

Dad didn’t speak yet, only watched my mother as she paced the room with a concerned look on his face.

“She needed a friend.” I saw my mother’s mouth open to say more, but I cut her off. “I know you think he’s going to find out, but he won’t. We already covered it; he doesn’t suspect a thing.”

“How did you two even meet? Tamlin would never let his daughter come into the Night Court for no reason, he almost refused to come to the wedding because he hates me so much.” Dad didn’t take his eyes off Mom as he spoke, watching her reaction to what was being said. She never took discussions of Tamlin and the Spring Court well, but it had been worse lately.

“We-” I paused. I hadn’t really given much thought to our first meeting before. She had just appeared on my balcony, and I assumed she was a thief, but how did she get there?

He tore his gaze away from my mother to look me straight in the eye. “Kaelan, I need you to tell me everything.”

I took a deep breath, watching as my Mom sat down beside my Dad, their hands clasped together, her face in an expression of confusion and worry, his of seriousness.

“Around three nights ago, when you had gone out dancing with the Inner Circle, I heard someone on my balcony. I went outside, and there was a girl. I grabbed her, tied her up, interrogated her. It was Ástyn. She seemed so scared, and I went in her mind,” I paused seeing the expressions on my parents faces. I quickly continued before they could jump to conclusions. “-I only went into her mind once, to find out her name. There was so much sadness and pain, I swore to myself I would never do it again. We talked for a bit, then she winnowed home. I don’t know how she got here, that part I’m still confused about. Last night, she came here, she was- well she was not in any state to winnow home. Since I couldn’t take her home without risk of being caught, I let her stay the night. This morning I returned her, making sure Tamlin wouldn’t be suspicious, and now we’re here.”

I felt only a little guilt for leaving out some details, our second meeting, our fight, the dreams I had been having for weeks, even before I had even known of Ástyn’s existence, of a girl with grey eyes like the sky after a storm.

My parents nodded absentmindedly, probably discussing what I told them through their bond.

In the spirit of honesty, I decided to divulge another secret I had been keeping.

“There’s one more thing.” I braced myself to be yelled at as I lifted my shirt sleeve to reveal the tattooed bargain on my arm.

My dad swore, mom moving forward to examine the mark. “You made a bargain with her?” She asked, voice filled with curiosity.

“I made it with myself, I guess. I promised myself that I would protect her, got the tattoo so I wouldn’t forget. She doesn't have one.”

My father gracefully stepped behind me, his hand swatting the back of my head, not hard enough to hurt. “Your lack of intelligence astounds me. Does the girl even know about your little bargain? What exactly do you think is going to happen when Esme sees that tattoo?”

“I’m pretty sure I can hide the tattoo, Esme never has to see it, no Ástyn doesn’t know, I don’t plan on telling her, and _Ow._ ”

My father scoffed, obviously doubting I can hide the tattoo from Esme. His eyes were narrowed, silently speaking to me.

_I should have hit you harder dumbass._ They seemed to say.

Mother had watched our exchange with a tight-lipped smile, her face still shining with hardly concealed worry.

My father noticed this, crossing around me to take large strides towards where she stood. “Feyre Darling.” The rest of what he said was spoken through their bond, the room silent as he comforted her.

Moments passed as they stared into each other’s eyes, the sweetness of their exchange causing a feeling of jealousy in my gut. Jealous because they had each other, and they were mates, and I was to be married in a week to someone I hated. I would never have the chance to be loved like that.

They stepped away from one another, my mother’s eyes fixed on mine. There was less worry than there had been before, so whatever Dad had said must have worked, but they was still a sadness filling them, one that had been there since Esme first showed up.

It seemed as though our little meeting was over, they had gotten the answers they wanted, and My mother's usually happy exterior seemed deflated, and I understood why my father wanted them to leave, so they could be alone and he could try and help her. Before my parents could make their escape, I decided to ask one more question, one that had been nagging me since the night before.

“Dad- is it possible, with my powers, to speak to someone in dreams? Or to share the same dream, where you can talk and remember the details in real life?” I knew the question would cause me to have to give my parents more of an explanation, but I didn’t care.

He hesitated for a moment, thinking. “It’s not impossible, especially given there’s a lot about your powers we don’t know about yet.”

A soft ‘oh’ was all I said in response. Thoughts swirled in my mind, trying to understand how it was possible that I had been spending time with her even as I slept.

My father looked like he wanted to say more, ask why I wanted to know, but he couldn’t. He needed to bring my mother home. My amazing, strong mother, usually bossing people around, being a leader, she wasn’t acting the same, she was a shadow of her former self. I knew it scared my father; it scared my entire family.

He had told me, last week, that it reminded him of what she was like when she was with Tamlin. She was empty, starved for not only food but interaction, love. I wasn’t stupid, and neither was he. She blamed herself for Esme, for my friends being gone. She’s breaking down under the weight of the guilt.

They rushed to say their goodbyes after I promised I’d be at their house for dinner around six.

_If I fix this Esme situation, she’ll get better. I’ll fix it._ The promise I made to myself as I watched them walk out the door seemed useless even in my mind. There was only two ways to fix it, marry Esme, or find my mate before the wedding, if I found her, everything would be void. She was making herself difficult to find, however.

It was only two now, leaving me four hours to decide my plan for tonight.

Tonight, I was going to find out as much as I could about the girl in my dreams, and more specifically, how she got there.

And she was going to lead me to my mate.


	8. Forest of Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ástyn finds herself in a forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update! I had really bad writers block for this chapter. We're about to get to the good stuff though so I will probably pick up the speed now.
> 
> Also thank you for all the kind comments! you're all amazing and they make my day!

** Ástyn **

The bench I sat on was uncomfortable, wooden and hard underneath me, but I barely registered it anymore. I had been sitting here for a few hours at least, waiting for something that I knew was coming. I didn’t know where I was, or who or what I was waiting for, but I knew that it would come.

The details I had of my location were vague. I had no recollection of there ever being a grove in the Spring Court forest like this, let alone one with a bench, but I also knew I had not crossed a boarder into a neighboring court. For the most part, it looked like the Spring Court I had grown up in; but the greens and purples of plants were no longer overpowering, the air no longer sickeningly sweet from the scent of budding flowers.

It was peaceful and pleasant, at odds with the court I knew now.

_How did I get here?_

There were no footprints leading through the grass, or any other signs of how I had arrived at my location.

I tried to remember, to recall any details of before I sat on the bench.

There were flashes, of Kaelan and Isaac and Tamlin. I remembered laying on the ground, hoping for rescue then-

Nothing. I was on the bench in the grove.

This was a dream then, or a vision of the afterlife.

There was a good chance that I was dead.

I should have felt fear, or anger at Tamlin, but instead I only felt empty, as though I was leaving something important behind in the world of the living.

“Oh, for fucks sake Leaf. You’re not dead you idiot.” My heart spasmed in my chest as I heard the voice behind me, the familiar lilt as he said the nickname he had given me when we were young.

I stood, spinning around to the source of the voice. A broken sob left my lips. My legs were collapsing under the weight of my shock, and I was caught in two familiar arms as I fell to the ground.

I raised my head, looking into the face I had once known better than my own.

Jaime.

He looked older now, though I supposed I hadn’t seen him in two years, since the day of his death.

“Astie, I missed you so much.” I couldn’t speak, my brain frantically trying to determine what was happening.

“Jaime. You’re- you-” I choked out my words. My throat felt like it was closing. Jaime smiled, placing me down on the bench. I hadn’t even realized he was still holding me up.

“You’re just asleep Leaf, you’re not dead. I’m sorry I couldn’t come save you this time. I wish I was there.” His eyes were filled with sorrow, a mirror to my own. “I can’t stay for much longer; I can feel someone else coming. Just remember that I love you Leaf. If you’re ever in trouble just think of me and I’ll be there okay?”

His words reminded me of the promise Kaelan had made to me what felt like weeks ago. ‘ _Just one thought and I’ll appear.’_

I didn’t want Jaime to leave. There was too much I need to ask him, questions about death and what comes after.

“Jaime what-”

He cut my question off. “Whoever is coming is almost here, I’m sorry Leaf I have to leave right now. I promise I’ll explain everything one day.”

I didn’t have a chance to speak, to say goodbye, before his image exploded like a rock thrown into a window, dust floating to the ground where he once stood.

I let out a surprised cry, shock and sorrow from losing him again cutting at my heart like a butcher with a knife.

And so, I was sitting on the bench, as I had been before, now wondering whether his abrupt visit and departure was just another allusion in this dream I was having. My brain wanted to tell me that’s all it was, but it feared my heart couldn’t take it.

I let out a deep breath, then two, willing myself to wake up.

Nothing happened.

I swore under my breath, cursing the cauldron.

“Not very ladylike to swear is it? Tamlin would be scandalized.” Kaelan stood before me, appearing out of thin air. He was a welcome sight after losing Jaime again.

I wiped my eyes and smiled softly at him. “I think you’ve told me that before. On our first meeting I believe.”

He stiffened at the sight of my red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, but said nothing, only chuckled dryly. “Seems I’m running out of jokes already; I am afraid I will begin to bore you soon.” He sat down on the bench beside me gracefully, his eyes remaining on my face.

“I find it hard to believe I will ever find you boring Kaelan.” I could feel a blush spread across my cheeks as I spoke, his soft stare sending heat onto my face while I stared at the ground.

Kaelan cleared his throat, “Sweetheart, why were you crying?”

Knowing I would begin to cry again if I tried to tell the story, I instead changed the subject. “Kae, why are you here?”

“I came to ask you some questions, but they can wait. Are you okay?”

_I’m actually 95% sure I’m dead, so I don’t know if great is how I would describe me at the moment._

I didn’t say that. It would only lead to questions that I didn’t want to give answers to, especially when I didn’t know the answer to the question I needed to ask him.

_Where were you?_

I didn’t say that either.

Kaelan must have realised I wasn’t going to tell him, so he stood up, reaching out a hand to help me up. I took it, rising to my feet and followed him as he dragged me along a path through the trees that had not been there moments ago.

“Question number one; How have you gotten into my dreams- or, I guess how have I gotten into yours, I’m still very confused over all of this.” He kept his face forward as he spoke, pulling me through the woods.

“I have no idea. You’ve been in mine too, but I thought they were just dreams, I didn’t think it was actually you.”

“Have you ever spoken to anyone else in a dream like this, do you think you could find someone through dreams?” His words were rushed, and he never turned his face towards me, only kept moving forwards.

Seeing more harm in not telling him then spilling, I spoke. “I talked to my friend Jaime, but only once.” _Cause he’s dead._ I paused before continuing, “Seeing as I don’t think I can talk through dreams, I don’t believe I could find someone either.”

Kaelan stopped, staring off the cliff he had brought us to. It was beautiful, a mountain valley cover in snow and ice, small towns dotting the inside of the valley, far below where we stood. The sunset cast a soft pink and purple glow over everything, and the snow sparkled like glitter all around us.

“I need you to try.” Kaelan’s voice was choked, and as he turned to face me, I saw water lining his eyes. “I have six days left and I’m desperate. I know you think you can’t do it, but I need you to try and find her. I need you to go through dreams and try to find her, please. “

His face was scared and hopeless, and my heart felt heavy. I knew what the answer was before I even asked the question.

“Who do you need me to find?”

His eyes met mine again, and I saw hope in them, a sight which filled me with unnameable warmth. I’d do anything to give him hope- to make him happy. He was my friend.

I’d give my all to make him happy, which is why I was confused at the pang of sadness I felt when he spoke the answer to my question.

“I need you to find my mate.”


	9. Chains of Iron and Ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guests begin to arrive for the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter because I'm procrastinating studying for finals.
> 
> Happy Reading!

** Ástyn **

The light from the dawn shown through the curtains, waking me up. I was in my bed, my entire body sore, scratches still decorating my limbs.

I had barely sat up when my mother rushed into my room, her eyes wide and scared. She was lucid.

“Mother-” She shook her head, hissing for me to be silent. I blinked sleep out of my eyes and gave her a confused look.

“My darling girl. I have not been the mother you deserve and for that I am so unbelievably sorry.” I opened my mouth to speak and she glared, “No- let me speak. You have always had to be so much older than you were. I fear you were never truly a child. It’s my fault, instead of protecting you I retreated into my mind. Last night, you were in his office, you looked so broken and I thought-” She choked, a tear falling down her cheek.

“I thought you were dead. You were so still, you looked so peaceful. A part of me broke when I saw it, a part I had thought long gone. And I was happy in a way- I know that sounds terrible, but I was happy because you were finally free, you could finally be happy. Tamlin- Tamlin is not the man he once was, not the man he should have been, and you deserve so much more. When I saw your chest move, when I saw you take a breath, I lost it. I had a maid pack you a bag. My darling Ástyn, you must go to the wedding. Go to the Night Court. I have friends there. Go to the Night Court.

“Everything is about to be okay my love. I have to go, be quick and get dressed. Pretend everything is normal until you reach the Night Court, Do not tell anyone of this conversation. Now go, Tamlin grows impatient.” She kissed me on my forehead softly, her hands resting on my shoulders. “As long as I live I will love you, and forever after that.”

Before I could speak she fled the room, tears lining her eyes.

The conversation had barely lasted three minutes, and her words were rushed and panicked.

Confused and numb, I quickly stood and changed into the dress I was left. It was a floor-length gown and gloves, perfect for hiding the results of last night’s beating.

I took a deep breath as I looked I the mirror. My hair was in a loose braid, my skin pale. It would have to do. Refusing to think about the conversation with my mother and what it meant, I hurriedly made my way down the stairwell, bag in hand, and found Isaac and Tamlin in a conversation in the foyer.

Isaac swept his eyes up and down my body in a way that made me nauseous. Tamlin only glared.

“Took you long enough. Let’s get this over with.”

He grabbed my arm unceremoniously and we were winnowing, the manor far behind me.

I had a sinking feeling that I may never see it again.

** Kaelan **

Guests began arriving as soon as the sun rose.

I wasn’t surprised when my sister crawled into my bed, yelling in my ear that the Dawn Court had arrived. Those assholes arrive first to everything, and usually I get woken up too early because of it.

Lifting Luna off my bed, I placed her on a chair where she busied herself with a pillow. When I was dressed, I spun around to show her my outfit to which I was awarded multiple claps and a stream of compliments.

I picked the 3 year old up again, thankful she had outgrown her hair pulling phase, and left my room. Voices rose from downstairs as my family greeted the guests.

I stopped on the stairs, finding myself listening for one specific voice. I chided myself silently for it afterword, firstly because she wasn’t even in the dawn court, secondly because she’s engaged, and thirdly because I had just spent hours speaking to her in my dreams.

I didn’t expect I would grow tired of speaking to her anytime soon. Especially seeing as she’s finding my mate for me.

_My mate._

Excitement flared in my chest at the idea of finally meeting her.

Luna pulled on my hair, giving me a look that expressed that she thought I was an idiot. She had been spending too much time with Nesta I suppose. I continued my walk down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible.

“Kaelan!” A cheerful woman’s voice rang out from the crowd of people in the living room. Leila ran towards me, scooping Luna into her arms. “Hello pretty girl.”

Leila, daughter of the High Lord and High Lady of Winter had been a family friend for years. She spun Luna around in her arms, her pale skin and long white hair the opposite of Luna’s tan skin and black curls. Luna cackled in her arms, smiling broadly.

“Hello Leila.” I smiled as she put Luna down and wrapped her arms around me. She was dressed completely in fur, even though the Night Court rarely dipped out of warm temperatures. “I didn’t know your Court had arrived yet. If I had I would have come greet you as you arrived.”

“Kaelan, why so formal? One of these days you’re going to get a splinter from having that stick so far up your-” I covered her mouth quickly, as Luna began to giggle from where she stood at our feet. Leila glared at me, blue eyes cold as glaciers, causing me to remove my hand out of fear she would bite it off.

“Please Kaelan, I find it hard to believe Luna doesn’t hear language like that on a regular basis in this house with Selan and Nox around. Speaking of those two,” she looked around, as if just now realising they weren’t in the room. She looked at me with a question in her eyes.

I sighed, already dreading this conversation. “It seems I have to fill you in on some things.”

***

When I had finished Leila was crying. She had actually started to tear up before I had started, but the waterworks came when I told here Nox was missing. She had always been one to easily break down, especially when Nox was involved. They were almost as close as Selan and I.

“When he stopped talking to me, I assumed he was mad about something I had said. I didn’t think- I should have realised.” I didn’t speak, just pulled the shaking girl into a hug.

“I love him. I should have told him before, I had so many chances and I was too scared to take them. Now he’s missing and he could be anywhere and-” She choked on a sob. “What if he thinks I don’t care, what if he thinks I don’t notice he’s gone? I should have told him, but I was scared he wouldn’t feel the same. I’m a gods damn coward.”

“Leila, I know this probably won’t make you feel better, but if you think he doesn’t know you care, you’re crazy. And we both know he cares just as much about you. I’m going to get him back, that’s the whole point of this wedding, I’m going to get all of them back. I promise.”

“You’re a really good guy Kaelan.” Leila sniffed, pulling away to wipe her eyes. “I just really miss him.”

“I know.” I whispered. We stood in silence for a few moments, mutual sorrow filling the air like a storm cloud.

“Seeing as they’ll be back soon,” I spoke with fake enthusiasm and hooked her arm in mine. “Shall we stop feeling sorry for ourselves and go mingle with some High Lords and their families?”

Leila smiled softly. “We shall.”

I didn’t tell her there was only one family I was looking for.

The room was filled with important people, but nobody that I wanted to speak to. One look at Leila’s face told me the same. Finally, I spotted my sister.

Luna sat on the floor in the corner beside Leila’s little brother Seth. They were best friends, having met last year when Viviane came to visit Mor. They hated to be separated, sometimes I even found Luna crying out for him when she had nightmares. Seth was a year older and two heads taller, and he hardly ever spoke, instead letting Luna speak for him most of the time.

I crouched down to eye level with the toddlers. “Hey Seth, how’ve you been buddy?”

Seth tapped on Luna’s back twice, and she didn’t look up from her crayon drawing as she responded. “He wants to know why his sister is crying.”

Leila crouched down to lift up her brother. “None of your business Sethy.” She spun him around, and Seth made a scared face towards Luna, causing her to speak up again.

“He wants you to put him down.”

When Seth had been placed down, he happily walked over to Luna and sat beside her, their backs to us.

We took this as an end of conversation and began to walk away.

We walked around, having a few conversations here and there but I was mostly just waiting for her to arrive.

As the Summer and Day Courts arrived I began to feel antsy.

_What if Tamlin decided not to come?_

I began to hyperventilate, panic seeping through my nerves as I realised that if she didn’t come, I couldn’t find my mate. Leila stared at me like I was insane. I think she asked if I was okay but I tuned it out.

Cassian voice broke through the silence in my head as he announced that another court had arrived.

Tamlin strode in, followed closely by a blonde man who held in his arms the exact person I was looking for.

** Selan **

Ella was crying again, Kera’s soft voice filling the cell as she tried to calm her cousin.

I could tell she wanted to cry too, could hear it in her voice. I knew she wouldn’t shed a tear. She was always so strong.

I ached to hold her, to tell her it would be okay. I knew she wouldn’t want that, plus I had no clue whether everything would be okay, and I hated lying to her.

I cursed the chains around my ankle and arm for the hundredth time, for keeping me away from her, from all of them.

That bitch Esme was smart when she decided how to keep us. One circular room, with light only from a single window. Chains made of iron surrounding one ankle and one arm, hooking us to the wall. The outer shell of the manacle and chain made of ash so we cannot touch it, and too much movement would cause a nasty burn. She gave us just enough length so we could almost reach one another, our fingers almost brushing. There was no door to the room, the entrance open, taunting us, so close but we couldn’t reach it.

I don’t think she knew of my feelings for Kera, but by some trick of the Cauldron she was to my right, her figure blocked by Raine, her face the only one I couldn’t see when I first wake and before I fall to sleep.

The bitch definitely couldn’t have known that I saw Kera’s face in my head at those times anyway.

When I had imagined waking up in the same room as her every day, this wasn’t what I had in mind.

“I want to go home Kera.” Ella’s plea caused everyone to shift uncomfortably. Nobody wanted to be the one to tell Ella we didn’t know if we’d ever go home. She was always so happy, so quiet and innocent, lover of nature and light. This was the hardest on her than anyone else.

“Is my hospitality not good enough for you?” A serpentine voice croaked from the entrance to the room. I snapped my head in that direction and loosed a snarl, rushing forward, my chains catching me a hair away from Esme’s face. She raised her hand, pushing back the hair on my forehead. “It’s a pity you’re such an asshole, you are quite good looking.”

She glanced around the room, then back to me. “Your little friend is working to save you. I can’t say he’s too bright, but he’s trying his best. You might feel it in your hearts to behave if you want to get out anytime soon.” She smiled sweetly a sight that made me want to rip her face off, then she left, taking all my anger with her.

I staggered back to the wall, hopelessness filling my chest.

“Fucking bitch.” Kera growled. How I wished I could see her face right now; it was an almost a physical longing.

Nox sank to the floor across from me, his breathing heavy. He was crying, I realised.

Raine spoke, her voice sad as she stared at the crying male. “She’s okay Nox, she’s at home and she's safe.”

His voice was hopeless as he spoke, cracking slightly. “I just wish I had said goodbye.”

That was a wish we all felt. We all wished we had said goodbye to Kaelan, to Leila, to Luna, to our family.

We had one other wish, one nobody dared to speak aloud.

A wish that we would survive long enough to say hello again.


	10. Fear of being alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamlin enters the Night Court.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I have not updated in a minute. I am so so sorry. It's been a busy bit, but I hope to get back to a regular schedule now. 
> 
> This chapter seems a little rushed but I can't make it too long without giving away too many details. It'll make sense in the next couple updates I hope! 
> 
> This chapter was hard to write but we are about to get to the good part so hold on tight!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

** Ástyn **

There were few occasions in my young life where I felt truly and completely uncomfortable; in fact, it was such a small few that I could list them all on one hand. 

Entering that room in the Night Court, that damn room that was filled to the brim with High Fae and other intimidating creatures, easily beat out any other experience as the worst moment of my life and made me question my definition of the word _uncomfortable_ before anyone had even spoken a word.

Isaac’s sweaty arms sat heavy on my shoulders, imprisoning me in the space in front of him. To add to the torture, the entire room seemed to stop and stare when we walked in, their curious eyes burrowing into my head as though they could read my thoughts. My own personal hell.

“Tamlin; you came.” A red-haired man approached us; his face cautious. I admired his features as he spoke. He had a jagged scar running down the left side of his face, from what looked to be a brutal wound. His eyes, one brown and one gold, were filled with pity as they looked at Tamlin. “It has been a long time my friend. Too long.” He paused, his gaze shifting to me. Panic flashing through them quicker than lightning, then replaced by something that looked almost like sorrow. “Who might this be?”

Tamlin looked as though he wanted to burn the man in front of him on a stake. “I believe we both know why you may no longer to refer to me as a friend, _Lucien_.” He hissed the name like it burned him to speak it. “This is my daughter Ástyn, though I oblige you to keep her name off of your traitorous tongue.” I stiffened at that. This man- Lucien- seemed to care for my father, which is surprising in itself, seeing as Tamlin was not someone who made it easy for one to care about him. I could not pretend to know their history, but the way Tamlin was speaking to him was not that of a reunion of two long lost friends.

Some of the Fae around us were still blatantly staring, though most displayed enough decency to at least pretend to converse while listening to Tamlin’s argument.

Lucien lowered his voice and spoke softly, as if he was soothing a rabid beast that was on the verge of attacking. “Tam- Tamlin, I know you still believe me a traitor, and for that I am deeply sorry.” When Tamlin said nothing, he sighed. “Where is Serene? Did she not come?”

“She is feeling ill, so we thought it best for her to stay home.” Tamlin’s face revealed nothing but calm as he spoke, though his tone was filled with malice. “And what of your mate Lucien? Has she finally returned to you, or were you truly rejected for some bastard warrior of the Night Court? What happy life has your leaving my Court led you?”

Lucien paled. He opened his mouth to speak, then shook his head, eyes filled with shock.

“Already accosting my guests Tamlin?” The voice that spoke to my right had Tamlin turning red. I hadn’t seen him this angry before, this out of control. I tried to move, to get out of the way in case he snapped, but Isaac had moved his slimy hands down to my hips and refused to remove them.

A man dressed in a fine suit walked in front of Lucien, his face calm as he stared down Tamlin. Recognition clicked in my brain as soon as my eyes reached his face. He was Kaelan’s father, his features and colouring a mirror to his son. Even the way he held himself, confident and powerful, reminded me of Kaelan. 

Tamlin and the High Lord of Night stared each other down, neither saying a word.

“Pleasure to meet you High Lord.” Isaac crooned, bowing down awkwardly as he kept his hands on my sides. 

_Fucking kiss up._

I took the opportunity to move forward, yanking myself out of his grip. He made an annoyed sound and reached for me again, but I stepped out of the way, my heels getting caught on the bottom of my dress. I stumbled back, caught by a pair of arms.

“Would it be in poor taste to make a joke about how you seem to be falling for me?” Kaelan’s voice filled my ears as he righted me up. I turned to face him, smiling gratefully, and felt myself being yanked backwards by a pair of large hands.

“Well if it isn’t another Night Court bastard who thinks they can take my fucking fiancé.” I struggled against his arms, but Isaac’s grip was tight.

Tamlin broke off the staring contest to glare at me. “I thought I told you to behave _daughter_.”

I couldn’t help but flinch when he spoke, blaming me for Isaac’s interruption. Both Kaelan and his father stared at me, their expressions eerily similar.

“It’s funny Tamlin, I remember inviting you and your daughter, but I don’t believe this young man was on the guest list.” Rhysand walked towards me, grabbing Isaac’s hands from my waist and shaking both, as I scrambled away.

Before Tamlin could respond, Isaac’s voice rang out, a superior look on his face as he took in the lord of Night.

“Isaac Vincetti, future High Lord of the Spring Court. It would be smart of you to learn my name _Rhysand,_ seeing as I’ll be your equal soon.” I stared at Isaac for a moment, taking in his cocky face, and wondered if he was suicidal. If Rhysand didn’t kill him for that statement, it seemed Tamlin might.

“Now, Tam-” Tamlin growled at the nickname, but Rhysand continued, his face showing a mixture of surprise and humor from Isaac’s words. “I knew of your beautiful daughter, but there was no mention of a son in Spring.”

Without thinking, I responded.

“You are correct. There is no son in the Spring Court, though Tamlin wishes Isaac to be my fiancé.”

I covered my mouth with my hand as soon as I spoke. Both Isaac and Tamlin wore murderous expressions on their faces. I did not know whether to hide or sob.

_Am I suicidal?_

I was to be seen, not heard. I was not to speak in front of the High Lords. I was especially not supposed to suggest I hated my fiancé in front of the High Lords.

Rhysand looked at me, pity written on his face. He must think I am stupid for saying anything. When his face turned back towards Tamlin, his eyes were dark.

“Am I to believe that your daughter is not to be High Lady of the Spring Court?”

Tamlin scoffed as though the idea had never even crossed his mind, but his eyes shown with rage. Isaac spoke up again before he had a chance.

“Don’t be preposterous Rhysand, of course she won’t.”

Tamlin hissed, glaring at Isaac. “Might I remind you that the politics of the Spring Court are none of your concern Rhysand.”

I believe Rhysand was stifling a laugh while Tamlin glared at Isaac. I just felt tired. It seemed everyone was angry at this party.

“Father, I will show Leila and Ástyn to their rooms. It’s been a long day and they must be exausted.” Kaelan spoke from behind me, as though he read my mind.

Rhysand nodded. Isaac looked like he wanted to say something- probably insist I stay with him- but Tamlin shot him a look to silence him.

Kaelan put a hand on my back, ushering me through a doorway.

I turned back once and took in the scene of the room. Most people had busied themselves in conversation. Lucien stood to the side, watching the two High Lords in the middle. Tamlin and Rhysand stood facing each other, Tamlin glaring, while Rhysand looked almost sad.

I looked forwards when I saw Isaac staring at me, an uncomfortable feeling settling in my gut.

** Kaelan **

She looked- words can’t start to describe how beautiful she looked. The way she looked in that dress, her messy hair, the details of her face; She looked like a queen. My heart skipped a few beats, confusing me to no end. It had no reason to stumble. No matter how beautiful Ástyn looked, and she looked unbelievably beautiful, it was pointless to acknowledge it. She would find her mate soon, and I would find mine, and this silly little crush would become a joke we spoke of when we grew old.

I dismissed the tight feeling in my chest at the thought of her finding a mate as I led her and Leila past the crowd of Fae and up the stairs. I knew it was nothing but jealousy of her finding a mate before me, though a small voice in the back of my mind screamed of my idiocy.

I focused on ignoring that voice as it yelled, focusing instead on what finding my mate would be like. I knew I would be like my dad, realizing almost right away she was my soulmate, my other half.

I imagined dancing in the rain with a girl in a mask; her face so familiar, an unknown emotion swirling in her grey eyes as we spun around to the muffled music playing inside. 

“Was that blonde asshole actually your Fiancé?” Leila’s inquiry broke me out of my daydream, causing me to trip over a stair and fall forward. Soft laughter came from Leila behind me as warm hands caught me and pulled me back.

“Would it be in poor taste to make a joke about how you seem to be falling for me?” Ástyn’s teasing voice in my ear summoned heat to flood my face, and I didn’t dare turn around, lest she saw the blush coating my cheeks.

She stepped back as I steadied myself, and I heard her begin to respond to Leila as we continued our walk.

“Unfortunately, he is. Tamlin’s orders.” She paused, her voice lowering as she continued. “I don’t plan on going through with it though. I’ll find a way to escape.” Something bubbled in my chest at her words, my fists clenching.

We stopped outside the bedroom across from mine. I swung the door open, turning to face the girls behind me. I spoke stiffly, suddenly and inexplicably angry. “Ástyn, this one’s yours. Leila’s is the next one over. I hope they are to your liking.”

Leila didn’t hesitate, chirping a goodbye and leaving, her hair bouncing behind her with each step she took. I was turning to leave, to get away and sort out my emotions when I felt a small hand grasp my wrist.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t find her yet. I won’t give up I promise. Please don’t be mad at me.” I stilled, turning to look at Ástyn with wide eyes. She looked empty, so unlike her usual self. Fear hid in her eyes, though fear of what I did not know. Fear of my anger? My wrath?

Her voice cracked as she spoke. “Please don’t leave me.”

I pulled her towards my chest, my arms wrapping around her in a tight embrace. “You stupid, stupid girl. I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you. I just haven’t had the best day today. It has nothing to do with you.”

“I missed you. I know it has barely been a day, but I couldn’t help it.” Her voice was a whisper into my shoulder, and I pulled her tighter against me. “I don’t want to marry him.”

“I know.” I rested my chin on her head, twirling the ends of the soft strands between my fingers. “I want to kill Tamlin. I want to rip your fiancé’s head off of his body. I want to help you, but I don’t know how.”

“This is helping.” Her voice was still barely audible, her breathing slow.

“I’m glad.”

I don’t know how much time passed as we stood there in the hallway, holding each other tightly, but soon Ástyn’s body went slack, soft snores leaving her mouth.

It was then that I realised what I was doing, how close she was, how I could feel every rise and fall of her chest and hear every beat of her heart. I felt frozen in place by her arms wrapping around me. I felt warm, safe and happy for the first time in a while. I shouldn’t feel these things, shouldn’t let her in. She needed more, deserved more, and she would get it from someone else. I couldn’t get to close, only for it to end when she found her mate- when I found my mate. How would my soulmate feel when she found out I liked another girl, liked that girl a lot. I liked her a lot.

I lifted her and carried her into bed, as thoughts flooded my mind, hoping she wouldn’t notice my panic and wake. I forced myself to breathe normally, trying to slow my beating heart.

Her hair spread across the pillows, her mouth open slightly as she slept. I tucked her into the blankets, holding my breath as she stirred, only to turn to her side and continue to slumber.

I kissed her forehead softly before turning to leave.

I looked at her once more before leaving the room, whispering as to not wake her.

“I’m sorry for being so angry before sweetheart. It had nothing to do with you.”

I shut the door, crossing the hallway into my room. I didn’t undress before throwing myself onto the mattress, speaking softly in an attempt to calm myself to sleep.

“It had nothing to do with her”

My last thought came from the little voice in the back of my head, the words ringing out in my brain before I drifted to sleep.

_It had everything to do with her._


	11. Good morning Fiancée!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ástyn's alarm clock is her least favourite person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a terribly short chapter, but I will be posting the next one soon :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

**_ Ástyn _ **

I had been known by many names while I was growing up in the Spring Court.

_Mistake, Daughter, Bitch, Friend._

There was one that I had never been called, for it did not fit.

For all my faults, and I was known to have many, I could not be called a fool.

Dense? Maybe. Oblivious? Understandable. But foolish? I was nothing of the sort.

Isaac seemingly neglected that fact when he burst into my room at dawn.

Well- he attempted to burst into my room.

A resounding thud roused me from dreaming of nothing in particular, a series of mumbled curses shortly following from the hallway.

I, having awoken in the middle of the night due to a dire need of the restroom, had had enough sense to lock my door to prevent any unwanted visitors from dropping in.

The doorknob rattled, and there was the sound of a clearing throat.

“Ástyn. I must say I was distraught when I did not see your face at the table for breakfast.” Isaac’s shrill voice poured out from under the wooden entry, agitation from running into it moment prior evident as he spoke. “I know that defenseless young ladies as yourself are more likely to be _injured_ while sewing or even _kidnapped_ while walking through the gardens, and I feared the worst.” He stressed the words as though it astounded him that the female sex could survive after all of their embroidery-related injuries.

_I’ll show you a sewing injury. How would you feel about a spool of thread lodged in your throat?_

I cleared my throat, attempting not to sound too disgusted by his existence. “As you can so obviously hear, _my darling,_ I have not yet done something as nonsensical as leaving my bedroom unlocked, or accidentally sewing myself to a dress.”

_Though I would enjoy sewing your mouth shut._

“I am delighted at that fact dear Ástyn. I would like to discuss last night; I was saddened to see you leave my arms so soon. I plan to make that prick _Rhysand_ change his mind about us sharing a room by tonight.” The doorknob shook as Isaac attempted to enter once more, and I prayed to the cauldron that the look would hold. It stopped after a moment, and an angry sigh came from behind the door. When Isaac spoke again, his voice was strained slightly. “I do wish to speak to you soon, _face to face._ Do not hide in your room for much longer darling, I wish to hold you in my arms once again.”

Retreating footsteps had just begun to sound as I jumped out of bed into the bathroom, bolting the door behind me. I did not trust the lock on my bedroom door to hold any longer if Isaac were to return. I turned on the light and stared at myself in the mirror, hating every sign of Tamlin in my features.

I dreaded seeing anyone but hiding in my room would only work so long before Isaac grew angry and called Tamlin. I blew out a breath through my nose, readying myself for the day, then began brushing my hair.

***

Dressing had never taken me long, but I slowed myself to a mere snail’s pace in an attempt to waste time before I subjected my eyes to the grotesque face of my betrothed. I wore nothing special, just another ill-fitting dress Tamlin had chosen so I would resemble a lady of spring.

Normally I loathed how the dresses made me appear, the colours pale and sickly. After speaking with Isaac however, I was thankful for the way it ruined any attractiveness I possessed. Just one of the sacrifices I would make to keep him away from me for as long as possible.

I exited my room in a state of woe, dread filling my stomach. The distinctive click of a door closing across from mine pulled me from my torment. Glancing up, my eyes locked with a purple pair that I immediately recognized.

I couldn’t help the smile that pulled on the corners of my mouth at the sight of him, just like I couldn’t help the way my heart skipped a beat when he smiled back.

“Thank you for putting me to bed yesterday.” _And for holding me while I broke down in the hall._

A flash of panic filled his eyes and for a moment I worried that I had said my second thought aloud, only for his panic to be replaced by false serenity as he nodded. “Of course, that is what friends do after all.” While his voice was strained, his face showed only calm.

Silence filled the air, and for the first time since I had met Kaelan, I felt awkward.

It soon became obvious he wouldn’t be starting a conversation. I spoke cautiously, my eyes scanning his face for anything but this strange blankness.

“I’m really excited to spend time with you while I am here, maybe you can show me more of the Night Court?”

His lips tilted up, and I let out a silent sigh of relief as he spoke. “Yeah, I would like that.”

I smiled broadly at him, an opposite to the restrained grin and nod that he gave me, then we parted ways as we walked down different ends of the hallway.

As I walked, a strange feeling filled my chest, as though someone was sitting on it. Confusion filled my brain at our encounter, wondering what caused the panic in his eyes.

I turned to ask what was wrong, why he was acting so strange, only to see an empty corridor.

I didn’t see him again for two days.


	12. Motherly Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaelan wonders how he and his friends grew up normal with mothers like that, and Ástyn chooses a dress for the ball.

** Kaelan **

I knew I was being a coward, but I harbored no guilt for avoiding her.

I couldn’t keep doing this to myself, let myself fall for her when she had a mate. It was doomed, the ending set eons before the beginning was even written.

No longer knowing how to distract myself, I threw myself into the wedding, into preforming the traditions of my court that always occurred the days leading up to the main event.

While ignoring the subtle pain that formed in my chest the longer I strayed from her was relatively taxing, it was nothing compared to trying to ignore the sharp pain that shot through my heart like a flaming broadsword every time I realized my friends would not be at my wedding. They wouldn’t be partaking in these long and boring ceremonies with me, whispering jokes in my ears at highly inappropriate times, patting me on the back before I walkdown the aisle towards someone I actually loved, not someone I was being forced to wed.

Leila had decided to become an inseparable friend to Ástyn in an attempt to take her own mind off of the disappearance and protect Ást from her insufferable fiancé, making it nearly impossible to talk to one while avoiding the other.

On the second day of avoidance, with no-one else to turn to, I aired my frustrations to my aunts and mother while they sat in the library. I assumed that their kind and caring motherly instincts would produce a comforting environment and way to deal with my problems.

I realized quickly that my mother and Elain were the only ones who possessed any semblance of kind and caring motherly instincts.

They looked up at me as I walked in, Elain offering me a soft smile before returning to her gardening book. Amren and Nesta glared at being interrupted from their reading, narrowing their eyes in an eerily similar way. My mother and Mor waved me over from a couch in the corner, laughter still evident in their eyes from a prior conversation.

Mor pulled me into the spot between her and my mother, both women’s gazes fixed on my face. “Kae dear, what brings you to join us? I assume it isn’t just because of your love of the women in your family.”

I felt three additional sets of eyes land on my face as they waited for me to answer the query.

“I need advice.”

I explained my problem clearly and efficiently. They wore sad expressions as I spoke of my regret that I can’t help my friends, soft words of understanding and sorrow cooing from my aunts as I proclaimed of my dislike of the wedding and the bride. I finished my tale of woe with Ástyn, my avoidance of her, my strange feelings, then sat back awaiting an answer or at the least some way to make myself feel better.

I was not expecting howling laughter to burst from Amren’s mouth, nor for others to join in until everyone, other than me, were lost into hysteria. Even Elain was giggling. When my mother noticed my disturbed expression hers turned grim, and she moved in her seat to face me.

“Don't be so angry Kaely, we meant no harm. We know how destroyed you are by the kidnapping of the children, don't doubt that we don't completely understand and feel your pain. They are not laughing at your suffering my love, but the last problem you presented.” She spoke in the calm manner that she always did when she sought to comfort, but her eyes flashed with laughter as she finished. “This is actually the first time I’ve seen them all laugh like this since before all of this happened. I think we all thank you for that.”

“The last problem I pre- Ástyn? What is so funny about Ástyn and I?” My incredulous question only caused Nesta and Mor to laugh louder. My mother’s face contorted to a look of barely concealed amusement.

“Don’t tell him, let the boy realize on his own.” Amren barked in between bouts of laughter.

“Men are dense creatures, aren’t they?” Mor declared with a smile.

“This is completely your father’s fault.” Was all my mother added before she started laughing with her sisters.

Agitated and unconsoled, I left the room, my mother’s calls for me to return drowned out by howls of amusement.

I returned to my bedroom, and threw myself atop the mattress, vowing to stay in my room until having to leave it to participate in the tradition that would take place tonight.

It was arguably the best of the events leading up to the wedding, a large dance that lasts until the next morning. All must attend in finery, masks covering the identifying parts of their faces. It was a test of love for mates, or in this case the bride and groom, to see if they can recognize one another by actions and voice, not by looks or scent.

It would be impossible to avoid the two women I had been ignoring thus far. My future wife and Ástyn would both grace the ball, and I would have no place to hide.

***

I stared down at my bride, my fists clenched at my side as I held myself back from breaking my morals and hitting a woman. She had waltzed into my room as I dressed, looking positively revolting in her grey gown. Her hair was wrapped in a bun atop her head, her lips painted red like blood.

“Hello _love._ ” Her voice was a siren’s call, monstrous intentions hidden behind a sickly sweet tone. She reached onto my bed to clasp my tie, threading the red fabric between her pale fingers. “I’ve missed you.”

I scoffed, my dislike for the fae woman before me obvious. “Why are you here Esme?”

She ignored my tone, gazing at me with a lazy smile. “I’m here for the wedding silly.” Her following giggle filled my body with homicidal rage.

“You know what I mean. Why are you here, in _my_ room?” She bristled at my tone, anger flashing over her face like a whip before it returned to peaceful calm. She stepped forward, wrapping my tie around my neck as she began to knot it.

“Why, can’t I just want to see my fiancé before the wedding?” At my silent response she sighed. “I just wanted you to see my outfit before the ball. I wouldn’t want you to mistake someone else as me, after all, I am the only one you should dance with tonight. You wouldn’t want to make me upset, right pookie?”

A scene flashed before my eyes, one I had seen before, of dancing in the rain with a girl in a mask, but it faded as fast as it appeared. I only glared at Esme, not trusting myself to speak anything that wouldn’t warrant her anger.

She straightened the tie before stepping back, ignoring the fact that my entire body shook with rage. Turning to the door, she spoke her last warning over her shoulder, her sharp white teeth gleaming behind her lips.

“I have been preparing for my wedding the past 60 years young one, scheming while the priestesses spoke, dreaming of my revenge at night; no plan of yours could hope to derail it. Don’t do something you’ll regret, _pookie_.”

The door clicked shut behind her, the sound like a gunshot foretelling me of my doom.

** Ástyn **

I chose my gown for the ball.

This, of course, meant my father would despise it.

Leila had taken me to a store in Velaris, allowing me to have my pick. She had shoved me into a change room, sending in dress after dress until I felt like I would suffocate under the heaps of fabric. I had only two dresses left when I found the one I wanted, Leila screaming her approval as I stepped out in the gown.

It wasn’t the regular pale pink or green or yellow that symbolized the spring court, vitality, youth. It wasn’t styled like a sack or a babydoll dress that made me look as though I was in the mid-stages of pregnancy.

It was long and fitted, a deep blue like the ocean, just a small amount brighter than the night sky. A slit ran up my leg, the neckline deep but still respectable. As I walked the fabric became liquid, a sea of changing blues that reminded me of a storm at dusk. Leila paired it with dark strappy heals and a pair of diamond earrings that cost more than a manor. The last piece was a simple necklace, a small sunshaped pendant on a silver chain.

We sat in my room as she did my hair, attempting to coax the wavy brown into looking less like a knot on my head. Leila looked stunning as usual, her regular wintery attire swapped out for a black gown and heels, her white hair in a braid down her back. Diamonds that matched mine sat on her ears, and a beautiful black lace mask covered the top of her face and eyes.

“Ástyn, I love you, but your hair is untameable. It broke my favourite comb.”

I laughed at her pouting expression from behind me in the mirror. “Why can’t I just leave it down?”

Leila grumbled, obviously not a fan of that plan, but moved to grab a straightener anyways. As she set to work again, I found my thoughts drifting towards Kaelan. I had thought of him often, much to my own dismay, and couldn’t seem to shake the sadness I felt from his disappearance. He was nowhere to be found during the day, and even at night his recognizable presence was absent from my dreams. I still looked for his mate, trying to use whatever power over tracking that led me to him to find the woman he looked for. It hadn’t worked, my attempts only leaving me in the grove that contained the now-familiar bench with a sunken feeling in my chest.

Feeling that pressure again build in my chest I closed my eyes, trying to think of anything other than the tall fae male with dark hair and a slightly crooked smile.

“And… _Done!_ ” Leila’s voice broke through my reverie and the pressure on my heart eased. I sent her a grateful smile, then worked to fashion my own mask onto my face. I had worn minimal makeup, knowing that most of my face would be covered by a pale silver mask.

Standing, Leila and I stood side by side in the mirror, taking in our reflections. I watched the girl across from me, not quite believing it was me. I had always been more cute or adorable; the woman in the mirror was beautiful. A warm feeling flooded over me, tears forming in my eyes.

“No, no, no. Don’t you _dare_ cry. Because if you cry, I will start to cry, and we will never leave this room. Now come on bitch, we look sexy as hell, so let’s go party.” Leila’s words made me laugh freely, the unshed tears retreating from my eyes.

She pulled me from the room, her hand in mine as we ran down the hallway like children.

I had never felt so _light_.


	13. Blue Gowns for Blue Balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masquerade balls are always more fun with music and rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update! make sure you read the other one first.

** Ástyn **

The ballroom was filled with masked fae. The theme must have been blue, seeing as navy streamers hung from the ceiling and walls, and large teal orbs floated about providing the dim lighting, suspended in the air by an unknown magical source.

A band played in the corner, old songs that I had heard while walking in the Spring Court village I hid in when I ran away two years ago. Tamlin had found me and dragged me back, before beating me until I swore never to run again. Music was all but banned in Rosehall after that, only played during my piano lessons or the large celebrations like Calanmai.

Leila made me drink a glass of blue liquid 'for nerves' before she tugged me down the stairs towards the dance floor. Fae of all sizes and shapes glided together and apart, a sea of movement, changing waters. I kept my eye out for anyone resembling Tamlin or Isaac, praying that my outfit for the night was so outlandish that they wouldn’t recognize me. I had even gone as far as to put on a small amount of perfume, attempting to throw anyone who was looking to find me.

We spun on the floor, my worries fading until they were only small winds whistling in the back of my mind. The music surrounded me, the instruments combining with Leila’s laughter, Kaelan’s voice, the murmurs of the fae in the room to make a new song that filled me with happiness.

I spun and spun until I got dizzy, and then I spun some more until the world was a blur of colours and I could no longer make out the shape of the figures around me. My mind switched off and it was finally just me, care-free as a bird, spinning around as the music played loud and rowdily.

Leila’s laughter returned to focus as I slowed, my heart still beating loudly in my ears. Panic gripped me as I suddenly tipped back, light-headedness flooding my body as a result of my twirls. Two arms wrapped around my waist, stopping me before I fell, leaving me staring into my saviour’s masked face.

A broad smile took over my face as we made eye contact, my already happy heart filling even more to the brim. He smiled down at me, the black mask he wore doing nothing to hide his identity from me. I was suddenly righted, my feet put back on the ground, but he still held onto my waist tightly. 

_“Kaelan.”_ His name fell from my lips, causing his smile to widen. I turned my body to wrap my arms around him in a hug. “Kaelan!”

His arms tugged me closer to his body, encompassing me against his chest. His heart thundered underneath my head. I was content with standing like that, the music and moving bodies swishing around us like they were water and we were a rock in the river’s path. A thought weaseled its way through the contentedness, jarring me enough to pull back from the embrace.

Kaelan’s arms dropped from around me as I stepped back, as if he hadn’t realized he was holding me at all.

“Kaelan, where were you? You disappeared and-”

He shook his head, effectively cutting me off as he hissed “ _not here.”_

“Well I knew you weren’t here that’s why I asked where you- _Hey!”_ He gripped my arm and pulled me through the crowd, until we stood at the edge of the room. I attempted to pull my arm from his grasp, but he held strong. “ _Kaelan what the f-”_

He winnowed us into the courtyard outside of the ballroom, effectively cutting me off again.

The music from the ball still played softly in the background, the only light coming from inside the house and the moon. The yard was empty except for us, probably due to the soft drops of rain falling from the cloudy sky.

“I’m sorry.” His deep timbre resonated in the air, breaking the silence. “I was avoiding you, and I shouldn’t have.”

“Why’d you do it?” It seemed like a reasonable enough question, but Kaelan looked like he was about to confess to a murder.

“I was having these- _feelings_ , and I didn’t react well to them. I know it’s a terrible explanation, but it’s like when I talk to you my brain short-circuits and I’m so scared of making a fool of myself.” My brain went into hyperdrive, computing every type of feeling he could have had to try and understand why he left. “I missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you the entire time. I was miserable.” His voice was quiet, every word spoken as if he didn’t really want to admit them.

I didn’t comment on his statement. He missed me when he was the one avoiding me, it made no sense. 

We stood in silence, the rain pounding against the ground the only noise. Leila was going to kill me for getting all wet. Kaelan was staring at my face, while I attempted to look anywhere but his. The band inside started up again, switching now to a slower song, the music surrounding us both.

“Do you wanna dance?”

He stared at me, just as shocked as I was about the question that just fell from my lips. Out of all the things I could have said, that? He’s going to think I’m stupid-

“Yeah, I’d really like that.” He grabbed my hands, placing one on each of his shoulders before wrapping his around my waist.

We swayed in the courtyard, and I watched him, the way the wind moved through his hair and the goofy smile on his face.

“You look absolutely stunning tonight sweetheart.” My heart skipped a beat. He gazed at my face, at the blush that was probably covering it, and he let out a small chuckle. “It’s funny, you look beautiful every night and every day and yet every time I see you, you still manage to take my breath away.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” My voice was raspy and breathless, but he didn’t seem to notice. I’m sure the crowd inside could hear my pounding heartbeat as I stared into his gorgeous face.

He leaned forward, his nose almost touching mine. His hot breath hit my face as he spoke. “Ást, I think I’m going to do something stupid, and you need to stop me if I am.

Somehow my voice was able to form words.

“ _It’s not stupid._ ”

His hand slid behind my neck and then his lips were on mine.

It wasn’t a long kiss, just lips on lips, and yet my whole body reacted to it as if I was electrocuted. I was in the desert and I had finally found water in the form of soft lips against mine. He held my arms tightly like he was afraid I would disappear at any moment, and I held him against me just as tight. The rain fell in small drops on my head as we held one another, my head was dizzy but not from lack of air. 

My heart was skipping beats like a child on a playground doing jump rope. My mind screamed of a realization that was slowly forming, the suspense like that of the moment before the monster sneaking up behind you jumps out. I could see it in front of me, the image clearing more by the millisecond. Then he pulled away.

“ _Shit. Shit. Shit.”_ He muttered, stepping back. My heart collapsed. I may not know much about kissing, but I was pretty sure that him cursing repeatedly afterwards wasn’t a good sign.

He looked at me, his cheeks flushed and eyes wide, before beginning to stammer “No, shit not you, I mean- fuck I wasn’t swearing at you- that was, Gods that was-” He groaned as he ran his hands through his hair. He glanced back to the celebration, the windows still illuminated the shaped of fae dancing. “My dad just spoke to me, Esme’s pissed cause I disappeared and Tamlin is losing it because he can’t find you.”

I nodded, trying not to let my emotions show on my face. Esme was looking for him, Esme, his fiancée. He was getting married in five days and I had kissed him. “You should go, your fiancée is waiting for you. I’ll be up in a second. Don’t worry about it.” I plastered a smile over my face, one which neither of us bought.

“Ástyn, I promise if we hadn’t been interrupted, I would have spent the entire night kissing you.”

I only nodded again. We stared at one another, my mind screaming. He sighed, running his hand through his hair once again, before turning and walking towards the ballroom.

It was only then that I listened to what my mind was screaming, realizing that which was so obviously true, paid attention to the reason a bridge had begun to form in my mind.

The monster jumped out from where it hid and screamed the answer.

_Mate._

I started to move forward, to yell to him what we were to one another. I was so _stupid_ for not realizing it sooner.

“ _Kae-”_

The words died on my tongue as a heavy object hit the side of my head and I stumbled forward into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you understand why I had to name the chapter 'blue gowns for blue balls'. I thought it was perfect for the events in the chapter, plus, I found it funny.


End file.
